A woman who had attended University and was working full time for a large accountancy firm felt the need to be very judgemental. At the time she was squatting a property with the sole purpose of saving enough money to buy a house in London.
Her name was blah as it doesn’t matter. This woman had the nerve to state that ‘prostitutes are lazy’. Her statement has stayed with me, it was said in 1991. She, and her partner of a couple of years, were hosting a party in Woodgreen, London. I’m still agonising over its implications today.
Three decades to respond is a bit of a record. There is a reason for this. Pure shock is the first reason. Imagine hearing something which you knew to be false but the consensus of all the people around you is that it is true. Also realising very quickly I was not in an environment where this could be actually discussed as I’d already been judged.
It was years later that I discovered why her perception was as it was. Her partner wanted to help me. He thought, as she did, that working as an escort was beneath me. He thought I could do more. Achieve more in the sex industry. Academics…
He introduced me to BDSM. Strange how someone can be involved in the sex industry but not know about this huge part of it. I had been in the vanilla world, working in the BDSM world without knowing the rules.
He tells of this lady’s sex life, and her thing was ‘rape fantasy’ – it is, according to several magazines, one of the most common fantasies that women have. It did occur to me and still does that this is how she must perceive all sexual interactions. The lady lies down whilst the man takes what he wants from her and she is fulfilled by this.
However, this is a fantasy for her. For her this is a position of freedom. It’s topping from the bottom in BDSM terms, so they say. If she were to say, ‘hang on’, or ‘that hurts’ or simply ‘stop’ her partner would. She cannot perceive a real prostitute’s life. She cannot and doesn’t understand what it is like not to have sexual freedom.
So, for her, the judgement of laziness upon ‘women of ill refute’ is well deserved. Because for her, sex is a pleasure she can give and take at will. She can choose to let her partner have her or not. She literally doesn’t know how to work up a sweat performing head because she wants to or is made to.
When a person is the product and that is what prostitution is, there is a service to be delivered. That service is undefined. getting to what the client (western civilised speak will not allow me to call him ‘john’) actually wants can be a real chore, basically it’s trial and error, often resulting in wasted efforts of the prostitute until the client finally indicates what he wants.
Then the client has the choice to to see the same girl again as he doesn’t’ want to explain again or he wants someone different because he likes to see the agony of the girl not knowing what she should be doing. His choice, not hers – generally. As with all work a client can say they are dissatisfied.
Most people do not have the communication skill to interpret what sex they want until that sexual behaviour has been shown to them and has a label. For the uninitiated this can be a disturbing and dangerous journey. There are many illusions about sex.
One of the most basic and necessary parts of our lives is sex. Yet so many people are still in the dark about sexuality. How can this even be? I feel it’s time to hear from the muse, the model and the whore. I’d like to hear everything they have to say. I’m fed up of hearing the client side all the time. Especially politically.
Well, lady in the garden in Woodgreen, you with the academic, mental, social and emotional capability better than Me – I managed to grow and educate myself enough to be able to tell you that you’re wrong. Your judgement of me during those years ought to haunt you. I doubt it does. I’m suspecting you have a pretty great life to be honest, you seemed to have it all sorted back in 1991.
Perhaps you have children now and have mellowed your judgements, I suspect not as I suspect you still sit in judgement of others less well off, less educated and more desperate than you are. Ah, now I judge you and I don’t ‘even know where you are, I hope that I am wrong. Perhaps you already confronted with your prejudices.
Perhaps her sex life is how most women’s sex lives are. I have no idea. I only know what my sex life is like. I only know what my sex life has been like over the last fifty years and can only comment what I know to be my facts.
For thirteen years of my adult life I prostituted myself. I worked, when necessary, as a call girl or escort to cover rent and food. I didn’t work the streets. Thankful for this one fact as I thought that should I ever work the street I may as well just throw the towel in altogether.
I met women who did work the streets. Those girls with knees like sandpaper and bones like feathers. The really lost ones. They aren’t just women of course, there are men and boys too. So often it’s only women who are ‘fallen’ etc…
It’s a hidden society used and abused by those with money and power. The street prostitutes would try and gain some protection, a dog or a friend, the authorities would find a way to take the protection them. Not allowing them into premises if they were high or had their dog, forcing them back out on the street again.
No one reports on sex worker rapes or deaths as they are the lowest of the low.
Sex workers are hard workers. They work harder than you will ever have to work. That woman sat there in judgement of me and prostitutes whilst squatting someone else’s property, didn’t pay rates, rent or council tax the whole time. You bought a lovely little house in Southgate, you had family and support from friends and will never really know what it is like to struggle.
Well I ask you to look in the mirror at yourself and ask you to judge yourself under the same criteria. I ask you to judge yourself rather than me or other women who decide to or are forced to work in the sex industry. Shame on you not them.
You and your partner were huge cocaine users. Yep, I’m going there. As you should know cocaine does cause nerve deadening. You try getting your man off after he has been using coke all night, the feeling in his mind does not mean blood is going to where it ought. Jaw ache is an understatement. That is hard, hard work.
There will be hundreds of men calling prostitutes tonight and tomorrow night. When those girls arrive at that client’s door they don’t know what is going to happen to them. They are the bravest women on the planet and they keep the secrets of the powerful.
Prostitutes aren’t lazy, blimey just think of all the poor girls your old man has had to convince to help him over the years. He did convince me to check out the BDSM world, it’s not for me but I did learn so much about the real power in our country.
Maybe I will start sharing a bit more about those thirteen years…
I’m thankful to have a voice. Comment or move along…
Viva la web, past caring, not sharing.