I’m always changing direction, there’s good reason but I’m not going into that.
The turn in the weather and a recent appointment with more coming is making me sad and lethargic towards life. I try to see life positively but let’s face it, sometimes life stinks a bit and not just a bit, sometimes it’s rank.
Being single really doesn’t help. Shallow feline that I am, I joined a dating site last night. Yes, the main free one. I convince myself I’m not serious. Tell myself I just need an ego boost and well, there is always the chance of someone (like me) who is just, idling away, wasting their wares who would suit…
Anyhow before I had come around and deleted my profile this morning – yep I’m fast with the self flagellation. I got a text from one whom I was obviously taken with, as I’d given him my number.
He sends me a youtube link to a music video. I play it. Not my thing. Sweetly sick youngster singing about things way too old for her. I get pissed – I do that quickly these days. He just likes the song. He doesn’t realise.
I tell him it’s not my thing, not explaining why though. I fire back a message saying do you want to see me sing? I’ve already told him I’m a grandma. He jokingly says ‘no’ and I accept it (yep ). Then the tells me he does and I send it.
My brain was thinking ‘this guy who is interested in a 15 year old singing will not be interested in me singing from my bedroom’. He’s humouring me so I’ll humour him.
I sign in to my youtube account. I’m surprised, I have a ‘k’ next to the number of views one of my songs, a cover, has had. I grin. I cry a little – it’s even more pathetic writing this down but yes because I would have killed to see that little k three years ago when I actually put it up.
So, I have gained over 1000 views on one video. It has cheered me right up. I even had a comment left for me from within the last year too. To even boost me a bit more, the guy comes back via message and tells me he loves it. Tells me he keeps listening to it…
So, I feel like I learn’t something today. Something really important for me. I must keep sharing. I must continue this, what did someone call it (?), pointless blog. I must continue to have little jumps of faith towards people romantically. I must continue to get pissed about things and actually react rather than just leaving it.
It’s life, it’s failure with the odd bit of recognition. It’s important.
Also means I may pick up my guitar.