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I Don’t Feel Like Writing

My eyes are sore and I don’t feel right, they say shingles but there’s no blisters…

I really don’t feel like writing. So many things have been against me – even microsoft word managed to lose a whole days’ editing and I sat crying for five minutes. Relieved that a remote assistant had at least fixed the problem I’ll continue. If only everything in life was so easy.

Today’s official death toll from covid19 in the UK is over 31,000 people. Every one of them avoidable.

We are scared, angry, confused and trying to stay hopeful.

Those of us with family working in health care can do nothing but watch as our loved ones are forced back to work without proper protection. Their own courage and loyalty essentially being used against them.  Watching your loved ones get sick, be allowed to have seven days off, then forced back out to work again is just rubbish.

The testing that is being done, is a sham…at 30% false negative rates it will allow those who do have the virus to go back to work. Accountancy firms and other commercial, private firms have been contracted in rather than using the NHS labs and testing dept we have in the UK.

Our government is good at one thing…getting people to do something out of loyalty.

I can’t help but wonder if the bloody marvellous spirit of the British is being used against us…the gov knows we are better when our backs are against the wall and we like to do the ‘right thing’. So when the call went out for volunteers to test the vaccines thousands came forward and literally rolled up their sleeves….

How can they vaccinate against something they hardly know? The testing within our country has been haphazard and we know, from other countries, that the virus is mutating. Without extensive testing how do they isolate the UK corona virus and build a vaccine which will work?

Common sense dictated that containment of those infected should have been a priority but it wasn’t and still isn’t within England and that is a continual worry to me.

We sit and listen to our gov giving it’s daily death count…each day it’s always an horrific number and yet we, as a nation, are becoming tired of the gov’s patronising tone and it’s defensive, almost aggressive nature when asked to explain it’s strategy…or asked to apologise for the deaths.

We are told that there are also treatments being piloted…weeks after these things have been trialled in other countries…our govs insistence that we must verify everything independently is indicative of it’s lack of trust in others but it may go some way to explain it’s own transparency problem.

As a country we are told not to wear masks…over 31,000 deaths in less than two months but still the advice is that masks do not help… The message is clear, social distancing and hand washing will protect us. Our gov mantra has not changed – however social distancing has been almost impossible as the country was not ready for the lock down.

Because of lack of preparation before the lockdown, several areas of health care and social care were ignored or given advice which would appear to be strange, or even dangerous in the middle of a lethal pandemic.

For instance, every day I receive a hot meal because I’m too poorly to prepare and cook one myself. I get my meal from a worker who visits around thirty people in my local community without any personal protective wear. I’m super cautious, I put my meal straight into a hot oven for around twenty mins to kill off any germs which may have came in with it. I’m lucky that I am able to do this.

Another example is, health care workers. They have been working in the community, visiting around thirty people daily, without personal protective wear. Many of these workers are suffering from symptoms but have taken off the seven days allowed and must then return to work. They are advised to wash their hands when arriving and before leaving.

Many of the people visited by the social care workers are people who have been discharged from hospital. They have remdesivir in their fridges, this is a treatment for corona virus…as we know, currently there is no cure.  Why are these people discharged from hospital into the community – and not isolated? There is capacity within the hospitals for those still on treatment.  These workers are on zero hour contracts without PPE and training, unlike the nurses and staff in hospitals.

And what about district nurses? For me, this is the very worst. They are also visiting around thirty people daily without proper PPE. When they visit, although offered the use of the bathroom to wash their hands, they do not. The last three district nurses who kindly administered my injections didn’t.  They are not advised to by the NHS.

If one was to try and access an NHS hospital you won’t be allowed, there are security men on the door and nurses in full PPE doing triage outside. If you try and access the GP it’s over the phone.

So what is the strategy? The gov has been asked and continues to declare that they have followed the advice giving to them by the leading scientists.

This is what UK gov says in response when asked who has been advising them…They were really pushed for names but some advisers don’t want us to know them. Why? From gov pages;

Names of participants who provided input as experts at one or more meetings, including public servants who acted in an expert capacity.

These meetings are also regularly attended by officials from Her Majesty’s Government. These attendees have not been named.

Permission to publish names was requested from all participants. Those who did not give permission have not been named.

What does seem evident is that the people involved in advising our UK gov have few scruples. But what about their next move? For now the population is staying calm, aware we are under attack but not knowing exactly who or what is attacking us. We are dying in thousands not hundreds…these figures are the most depressing in the world.

Heralded as a country of hope and safety we are fast becoming an emblem of despair.

The news that an estimated 379,000 people moved to the country from outside of the EU in the 12 months to September 2019, the highest number since records began in 1975 is only more worrying as the NHS were starting to get shirty about who they would and wouldn’t treat.

The news today that the lock down will continue is welcome, under current circumstances, but I live near one the roads into and out of London and can tell you that it’s business as usual out there. Lots of traffic and lots of people out enjoying the beautiful weather. People have accepted the social distancing message but they won’t stay in their homes anymore.

In the case of my friend the health care worker…she lives with her partner and two children in a mould infested, one bedroom social housing apartment. Her partner works at several airports as a pest controller. They both have symptoms. The children have symptoms. They have had symptoms since late last year…they have gotten used to living with it, no tests are ever taken when they attend GP. The children’s coughs got so bad they got rashes around their eyes…GP said it’s from the pressure of coughing. They’ve been on inhalers and cough suppressants since Sept last year – but no tests as they are under five. But both children were vaccinated against flu last year.

Staying locked down with two sickly children in an overcrowded, unsuitable environment is awful. But the news that other people are constantly housed in front of them ‘as they have higher priority’ just is rubbing salt in the wound. No doubt racial differences will be used to overlook them again.

These people are my heroes…they are overlooked time and time again. They watch as others are moved into the lovely new homes being built. They dream of having a garden. They dream of having a real double bed. They dream of the children having play room. They know it’s the price of living close to London, so many need housing – it doesn’t make it any easier. They know as one being British and other Bulgarian they and their children are bottom of the list for healthcare and housing. But you cannot expect them to stay locked down in their apartment on their days off and their holiday without some sort of light at the end of the tunnel.

The media here in England has not been helpful with their message that lockdown will be lifted on Monday.  This was reported by The Sun on the 6th May 2020 is probably why so many are currently outside now.

I’m a cynic..I’m thinking that the gov is still in major league with the pharma companies and looking for that ‘gold standard’ vaccine… They don’t care about us. They care about their stock and shares in these companies. I’ve been stung before, I have a ‘gold standard’ medical device in me. They cannot be trusted.

Officially the gov is funding commercial enterprises to find a vaccine. They are currently piloting several vaccine programs. These programs were set up early on in the situation.

All of these programs rely on something….in order to work the patients must come into contact with the virus – Most of us would imagine that doctors would expose the patients to the virus in a lab condition but no…these patients (on the drugs trials) have been told to go home… This brings me back to my initial question, “What are they building the vaccine against?”

In these pilot could they possibly know if they come into contact with the virus? I’m assuming that the action of the vaccine works in the usual way – they give a little of it to a patient along with the magic adjuvant and immunity occurs.

So many people have now have definitely got a dose of corona virus and what happens when they come into contact with the population?  England is a big testing environment where the community is the laboratory. Lab rats get treated in safer conditions. These are live viruses they are messing around with…unknowns.

We are assured participants will be following social distancing rules… if they did this they wouldn’t come into contact with the virus (according to our gov strategy).

*scratching your head? Me too.  I am not alone amongst my fellow citizens. But we are resigned to the situation. ‘It is what is it is’ – being constantly said to me. ‘What will be, will be’, another popular saying.

We are a country reeling, from Brexit and from Corona virus, we will know we will find our feet, our fear is that that the rug isn’t pulled out from beneath us.

Like I said originally, I didn’t want to write this…I just felt I should.

Stay safe and stay well.


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