say no to plastic in humans

Ashamed of Myself

Today, and yesterday my thoughts have slipped

Suicide and thinking about it

Thoughts started sliding last week

The Oxford doctors called and told me I’m weak

Postponed my mesh removal surgery again

My lung disease has drawn a line

They’ll look at my case in four months time

 

Because of covid19 I must wait again

Regardless of my lack of life

Regardless of the pain

In four months time

I’ll still have lung disease

Corona virus will still be around

It will be the winter months

And again, I’ll be bound.

 

So yes, ‘Hooray’, the report came out

‘At last!’ Us victims do shout…

Matt Hancock apparently apologised

For all the doctors and healthcare’s lies

‘Sorry,’ they say, for not listening to me

The NHS is ‘sorry’ for my sixteen years of misery

Nothing changes though

I’m still Johnson & Johnson’s

Cash cow for eternity.

 

How clever of a nasty cosmetic firm

To make my bladder burn

To be able to sell me a pad?

Just switch on the TV to see the ads

Telling me incontinence

Can be ‘pretty’…

Who are they trying to kid?

They should be made to sort it.

 

I shouldn’t be in terrible pain

I shouldn’t be thinking, ‘how do I get through the day?’

I should be able to have a sexual thought

I should be able to walk

Embarrassed to let everybody know

When outside, I’m distraught

My mind is capable of one thought

Where is the nearest place I can go?

 

So yes, I’m ashamed to say

Been thinking about ending it

Today

Pain and disappointment

Stretch out long, before me

I search for someone to support me

Toss and turn all night

Vomit all day

This is not life’s way

I will NOT give in to it

I just needed to communicate

To stop me walking

Towards the gate.

 

Thankfully I have poetry, but is it going to be enough?

 

The end.

Sorry, this is very depressing but I had to do something to relieve what I am feeling.

By Samantha “unextraordinarybint” Harris

TVT mesh victim.

https://news.sky.com/story/nhs-must-apologise-for-dismissing-pelvic-mesh-and-anti-epilepsy-drug-patients-suffering-review-finds-12023175

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-53323780

https://slingthemesh.wordpress.com/media-news-updates/

7 Comments

  1. You sound very fed up but you need to hang on in there and get this out when it is safe to do so. I suspect this will be next spring/summer so you have a long winter ahead. Get out as much as you can meantime.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I was exceptionally fed up and do get prone to very low points quite suddenly but I’m okay now. You are right though, I needed to get out and some decent nutrition!

      Like

    1. You are right, of course, tomorrow is another day. I’ve decided to break lockdown tomorrow and leave the house. Going meet up with family and smell some outside. I’ll just put up with the stares over my coughing lol. I think it may take me some time to adjust to how much longer sorting the mesh mess out is all going to take etc now that so many other women have come forward but that is life, continually adjusting. I do feel more positive already. Thanks hun.

      Liked by 1 person

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