I’m born, I be
But, I am not yet me
I love as one
But become lost
Inside of thee, I plead
I tried to please but leave.
I travel and navigate
I fall in love
A mother I become
In mother, I belong
Three ants taunt me,
They alone made me see
Oh the journey
I have gone
To try and bring this message home
Look after your soul
Place it safely
Where you know.
The land is safety
It provides our bread
If we are good to it
It will provide warmth and a bed
If we are environmentally bad
She will take all we had
Three ants told me
To pass this to you
Judgement isn’t mine
To bring life anew.
Three ants told me
Sorry it took so long
To bring the message
Look after our home.
by Samantha unextraordinary Harris. 23rd July 2020.
The Three Ant Story.
I was raised as a Methodist. At nine years old I was struggling with a secret. I’d been sexually assaulted the year before (not at the church, but I’d asked them for help and they didn’t) and I was due to be baptised along with my step sister.
It was a treat that I been given a Ribena juice drink and was having a break in the church hall with it. I felt the sexual assault was wrong. It had gotten me into a lot of trouble. I was disillusioned. I’d expressed negativity about my upcoming baptism. I was told to help out in the hall, which I had, and then told to think about things and have a break.
I was thinking about it. As much as a ten year old can. The Ribena was purple and sweet. I finished my delicious drink and I looked into the bottom of the glass and saw three ants. They were alive and seemingly enjoying swimming around in the last remains of my blackcurrant juice. My reaction was to leave the church and not get baptised.
I’ll be honest, I was just a little girl, I felt sick of and cheated by god. I thought him cruel and hurtful. In my eyes, then, he couldn’t even give me a drink which wasn’t tainted. He couldn’t be nice to me just for one moment. Everyone around me spoke of mothers and fathers. How the father would after me. My perspective was that my own mother had gone, leaving me with a father and step mother who did not care.
Everyone spoke of belonging and because of what had happened to me, I wasn’t innocent anymore, so how could I sit in church? I felt so alone. My decision to leave the church was not questioned by anyone. No one begged me to stay. That vindicated my decision to me that I was purely ‘unwanted’. I was seen as ‘the bad penny’ or the ‘unlucky’ one and I was sullen.
But my father moved us abroad with work. I stopped praying and started singing. A wonderful teacher took a caring interest in me. He taught me kindness and in turn I pass on kindness where ever I can. Thank you Mr Roberts. Although now I class myself as pagan, my life straddles and rides the feelings of the good parts of all religions.
Nowadays, of course, I know god was wrong to decide not support me after I was sexually assaulted. More than this, that it was the people of the church who let me down not their god. God exists as a concept of comfort and security for many people and in that matter his presence is felt and is very real but as an entity not (sorry). This knowledge helped me so write it for that reason, not to offend.
However, love, us, the planets and animals do all exist and they all exist regardless.
More importantly morality exists regardless of gods, sometimes in spite of gods – I never went on to sexually abuse a minor and never will, and I understand how people deny things that disgust them so much so they cannot discuss it.
My choosing to walk away was my saving grace for others finding church is a saving grace…there is no light or dark only shades of grey or colour.
The beauty which is around us is only reliant on us looking after it… looking after gods will not affect it directly, this we know as we’ve got a history. In fact looking after gods has been quite harmful. We need to find ways to look after souls without this harmful authority over things.
I think about those three ants. Those pesky little ants.
I understand The Earth needs no sacrifice. The rituals she needs are wholesome, like clearing weeds so vegetables and fruits can grow plentifully, she needs balance, she needs managing; leaving enough trees so she can hold back the floods and keep the land secure, keeping poisons from building up and becoming troublesome, thinking about where we are mining, forest fire monitoring and clearing…these are the sacrifices she asks from us. For us to notice her.
We can’t be greedy…no one gave us this Earth. It is infinite but we are not.
We know these lessons, these lessons of putting people, animals and land first before profits. As humans we did learn from nature that the most important thing is working together, like ants, to achieve goals for ourselves and those that come after us.
It is not my land. It is not your land. It is her land so all gods and conscious souls should respect it and those who reside here. The ants have spoken 😉
Thanks for reading.