Nooooooo

I was told in 2009 that my lungs would collapse in two years – so everything is gravy to me…

However, there are some things which happen in my life that, although terrible at face value may serve as a lesson of some sort to someone. This story is not for the faint hearted or the weak stomached. If you retch at the thought of poo, this true story will hurt so just stop reading.

I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your day. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Today is one of those days, the incident which happened a few hours ago is a life changing event. That is, I’m so grossed out I am having issues sharing. This is my reality and it’s VERY real so it’s happening.

Sharing helps me to come to terms with the adjustment of increasing disability and the loss I feel. Plus, you must laugh at yourself otherwise you are really lost to the dark side of life.

I awoke feeling knackered from a unrestorative sleep. I padded around the flat trying to stand up straight – this happens to all of us, eventually – and I let the dog out. I make my very weak coffee attend the bathroom, feed the dog, and watch some videos on YouTube.

It’s a slow morning. The weather is grey with streaks of light coming through, a beautiful, normal day.

Bruiser (the dog) has recently become a house guest (again) and we are getting on famously. He was sleeping on the floor when I got up to scribble something down – a popular pastime of mine – and I as I walked across the room, I let out some wind. Quite normal you’d think, although a little embarrassing.

However, a piece of poo flew out of me and down my trouser bottoms so fast, it hardly had time to register, before Bruiser jumped up and ate it. I managed to scream, “noooo”. But it was gone.

Two things.

One is that I’m mortified. The expelling of bowel contents without one’s prior knowledge is a shock. This could be because of the TVT mesh and Stapled Hemroidplexy which I stupidly agreed to. Regardless, this will take some getting used to.

The second is the dog. He ate my poo. He came up to me afterwards for a cuddle. ‘was not happening as I couldn’t look at him. I still can’t, if I’m honest lol. Will our relationship ever be the same?

It took me two hours to stop crying. Two hours. My top was drenched. I then started laughing. This could be the start of a symbolic relationship. I mean I pick up his poo and place it in a bag to bin it. Perhaps he could follow me around and clean up after me? It would save me a fortune in adult nappies (tears again).

I live in a built-up area and the law states one must do this ‘poo picking’. Most dog owners take this responsibility seriously but do not like to discuss it. It occurred to me that perhaps he is returning the favor? However, if this were the case surely, he could eat his own and save me the bother of picking it up at all?

Once I had stopped crying and made an appointment for the doctor, I thought I’d call my daughter and gross her out too… After all, it is a time of ‘sharing is caring’. I did prepare her, before telling her, but that didn’t stop her hand drawing up across her mouth in shock…

After retching some, she laughed and told me not to worry about it. Apparently, this was one of the reasons they had a lock on the babies’ nappy bin.

So, what does this teach us? It certainly has taught me not to rely on wind just being wind.

Thanks for reading.

5 Comments

  1. That’s an effed up story. I once heard a joke similar to this. I tried to look up your tag “TVT” but nothing obvious came up. I gather a disability is involved? I’d be interested in reading that story if it’s on your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. TVT vaginal mesh – my apologies, I rant about every now and again under my health category I think. It’s a plastic device implanted during a hysterectomy some years ago. It snapped a few years back… It is supposed to help women with incontinence after childbirth and replaced a recognised operation by saving an hour.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Aww how sweet! I think Bruiser thought you tossed him another treat is all. And dogs being so olfactory I doubt odor would be a problem but perhaps rather more enticing that this treat however not typical the accompanying aroma served as icing on a proverbial cake of poo. You’re like me and most dog owners that pick up after their four legged friends whenever nature calls but I was talking to a man about dogs one day and he living on a farm in a more secluded area with nothing much in his immediate vicinity other than lots of woodlands and grassy fields on the adjoining land to the farm. He said how he allows his dogs to be roaming around on the land freely often times and that they do like to do what seems pretty stupid let alone gross or disgusting; but, if they come upon a really good dump of cow manure some huge patties they’ll flop down into it and roll around making sure to spread the pasty goop all over and seem to be thrilled to do it. I said what about flies do they seem to mind when they come seeking out the pungent odor and he said nah they just snap the up like so much tiny candies! So a funny thought came to mind and it will sound gross and stupid but what the hey; don’t knock it unless you try it! And seeing we aren’t about to do that anytime soon let’s just say, to each his own! Live and let live I say! Now that even and your good doggie Bruiser actually taught us how to look at some things in a better light or at least look deeper to get any hidden message and then again maybe not to look at all. Some things are better left unsaid and maybe not seen is just as well too.
    On a serious note as in the experience your grandson and Bruiser had with conflicting behaviors or sudden changes to behavior patterns and dogs following patterns or being like us creatures of habit for the most part; he observes you picking up after him all the time so this unusual event to him as the instinctual reaction to investigate when he saw this poo drop out he thought; oh I know what to do with that I’ll pick it up like you do for me mum. Once in the mouth it’s just a tiny swallow to put the whole dilemma to rest. Now you say well why doesn’t he pick up after himself and that’s simple, he figures you have that down so well with your complicated procedure of baggies and disposal into bins and all that rubbish he isn’t about to try and copy that process and is leaving well enough alone! Not a stupid dog at all now is he! Gosh, and “gee willikers,” a humorous or outdated extension of gee, which is a euphemism for Jesus. In Catholic school we were told that meant never saying God or Jesus’ name as an expression or a curse, but only in reverence. phrases.org.uk “Golly” dates back to 1743 in England. “Gee whillikens” back to 1857. “I Hear America Talking” by Stuart Berg Flexner (Von Nostrand Reinhold Co., New York, 1976). This substitution of a G-word for God follows “.the old Hebraic and Middle English tradition of avoiding the sacred words, such as God, by substituting words with the same initial letter.” A Minced oath.” Anyway, back to the doggie; maybe we’re a bit more stupid than the other animals around us and think our shit don’t stink or something like we know so much and don’t know as much as we think we do; so the dog in his head is laughing saying good luck with all that you simpleton; you people think you’re so Highfalutin!
    To the “brass tacks;” I like your brave attitude and what’s more the outlook to laugh at oneself because, it yes, is much better than any alternative I can come up with and in this life there are plenty of things we can’t control nor have any actual power over; other than our frame of mind to put those things into a proper perspective. My dad was always saying to us growing up that there are things in life that happen or that you’ll discover are beyond your control and what you must do is make up your mind to accept it, to make the best of things. Ya know taking the good with the bad and all that. Sometimes it is damn hard and then laughing and even crying is a good thing to relieve the pressure or inner conflict and I have done both in recent years because a whole lot of poo came my way that I didn’t really ask for or deserve and I’d have, excuse the grossness, preferred his taking what came at him over what I had to deal with for years; which happened even in a govt. job where so many built in protections are supposed to prevent such things, but I was only doing my job and I didn’t see where I would be tripped up so badly as I figured it, yet still, nonetheless it did happen and then all I could do was try to get through it all and hopefully come out of it OK! Now I could carry a grudge for the people that brought all that upon me and what the heck good would that do but make me miserable and maybe lead me to do something I would regret much more than the original problem or offense tossed at me; so I have to be like you, brave and have courage to carry on and be the better person, showing them and the world I won’t let any of that or them get me down, no sir, no ma’am I’m not a damn quitter or going to be defeated as long as I can breath and smile and have another bit of time here I should relish in it! Like those dogs on the farm getting all they could out of those cow patties and making the best of the dirty business or world how it can be at times! Samantha I try even now to say and believe in my heart that better days are coming! I wish I could say when but it’s good to believe in that and know that way over our heads it has been all taken into account and we will find a reward after all; when all is said and done if we will show, we believe.
    Peace and blessings!
    Lawrence Morra III
    PS Say hi to Bruiser for me and say he is a good boy; Larry said so!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will pass that on. He seems to have gotten over it quicker than me! It doesn’t matter if better days do come..less painful days would do, but there is no reason I shouldn’t be in pain tbh. No one promised otherwise. I think these are the best of days atm as I feel loved, by my daughter. It’s a wonderful feeling having a friend who accepts you. I also feel like I’m confronting my ‘anger?’ for want of a better word. Thinking of your story, Bruiser has a thing for foxes poo. I reckon he thinks it’s smelling like Channel no 5. It does not!!!! Thanks for your comment Larry.😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😊 Hello Samantha… good, good what you’re saying here! I got into a tongue-in-cheek mood to try delving into this overall subject you inspired in me. Not at anyone’s expense of course that wouldn’t be my desire at all. But, to toss it about a bit and see if anything sticks in a manner of speaking. I see underlying factors and concerns so those are to be considered carefully with care and with respect, but, I knew from your stating you can laugh at yourself it’s all within our capabilities to expand on things even serious or painful ones; even with humor as a bridge. Your daughter seems to be a gem of a lady so think of the miracle and blessing to have her and her to have you! I have no children; so there as I mentioned before, make the best of things and of course be thankful for what we have. I didn’t know about the anger bit so try to not allow it to get a grip on you as I know from experience it tears at me and even my blood pressure while up till now hasn’t ever been beyond a normal range, but, I feel it changing at times and know that one can only take so much of that and then damage sets in! We have to chill out when that anger hits and I love to watch good movies that I can escape into a world with the characters for a little time or at other times something funny can have a therapeutic effect bringing out that laughter. Bruiser and the fox cologne must be a fun thing to deal with!!! I remember when two of my Samoyed’s years back got away from me and out the door one night when they were very young, two sisters, and ran across the road to a neighbor’s knowing full well they were on the scent and I had no idea at that point; but, was too late when I caught up with them they had been skunked and thoroughly sprayed, and, wow what a job to get them clean and to eradicate that odor; took days, but, I did use all the so called remedies and I can tell you I smelled for days too! The house reeked with the skunk cologne!
        So, I thought you won’t mind but I like how this spontaneous rant went and I want to publish it with a couple of photos but figure to not mention names or to replace them to protect the innocent, LOL! But, almost as written I think it will contain a few points for someone to get a bit of encouragement or maybe even a laugh to help the day. If you don’t like this idea let me know and I’ll cancel it! I’m about to toss it together and give it a go! Just the previous long comment; not this.
        Have a good evening and rest well! Keep in touch when you like!
        Lawrence

        Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.