The 2525 Pilgrimage

Inspired by a Zega & Evans song, released in the 1960s, called ‘In the Year 2525’.

The 2525 Pilgrimage by Samantha “unextraordinarybint” Harris

Centuries since Corona Virus Alpha hit Earth devastating our population, I sit here using a rusty blade, scraping marks in hope that I won’t be discovered by our monitors. We use this ancient fridge for storing clothing; working well for keeping moths out, my up-bringers and I sharing it. Now, it will bare these words for history.

At school, we’re told our ancestors used the fridges to keep carcasses fresh. It was a time when humans battled with each other, spoiling the planet with poisonous weapons. A time when people murdered Earth’s other inhabitants; selfishly eating animals, using them as a source of protein, they’d manufacture products from their carcases and enjoyed wearing animal skins, even using bones for medicinal broths and industrial glues.

I’ve never known a cold fridge. The harnessing of electrical power was outlawed for humans in 2050. For our safety, AI automatic droids maintain our planet’s electrical grids. Distribution and supply is strictly rationed to Necessary For Life organisations and not squandered by people.

I’m told my ‘need to create’ is an escalation of my illness, so I must be cautious. I’m a committed New Beginning Believer but the evilness of bad mental health remains. Managing to physically scrape one word a day has taken discipline. My addiction craves more, risking raising my heart rate to a detectable level.

Weeks after the Corona Virus Zeta variant attacked the planet in June 2030 a cohort study showed how vulnerable humans became when out of their homes. As a major medical discovery it saved billions of lives but had not been welcomed by all. Deadly violent protests spread across the world faster than the virus, destroying cities and towns, cutting utilities and leaving land scorched with fire.

It is history now, how it was necessary for AI to oversee human health for The Common Good and the protection of our species and our solar system. Our homes, for our safety, had to become human cages.

Robots now distribute our care, limiting human error. Armoured vehicles travel streets delivering water tablets and nutrition, monitoring our vital signs so we rarely starve if we are viable. Thankful, we watch through holes we’ve piped into the hives on our windows.

Foxes, snakes, sheep, wolves and deer roam outside our homes on cracked tarmac. The grass verges, left to grow naturally, encouraging wildlife, are now host to the genetic insects released to combat stray humans carrying disease. Building nests and hives around us they are able to monitor movements keeping AI informed of our well being.

State television transmits a basic program service with special entertainment on Saturday nights. Generally television informs us of how the latest health programme progresses, which locations are expecting the Build Back Better vaccination robots and the daily birth rate over death rate graph.

International Communications are impossible for most since the satellites were, for our safety, reconfigured using the same space drones that humans had invented for mining exploration. Anti vaccination terrorists had to be stopped from using the networks to organise resistance and had been blocking The New Beginning Faith broadcasts.

Automatic trucks collect human waste weekly from each street moving it to a collection point where it’s transported by crane into giant airships run on biofuel. These craft transport the sweet smelling load to the ocean where it is released for the marine life to feed upon. Diet, controlled by AI, allows us to now produce nutrient rich waste which is useful until our deaths.

Few natural humans, other than royalty, can safely move around outside. We don’t have the genetic makeup. Crane drivers have outside protective freedoms. Having a skill AI can’t master, they bare witness to how the Build Back Better system is working. I’m assigned a crane operator as my lover. I pray we’ll be fruitful.

Gratefully, I’m able to leave home once in a lifetime. I’ve been researching my Life Pathway Journey on the battery run Ethernet computer. It will be so exciting to see The London Eye. One has to be patient as the current female pilgrimage age is the first month after one’s fifty-fifth birthday.

I pray I will still be considered worthy.

The End.

Blimey. Looks like I’m stuck with the TVT mesh.

The last few months have been hard. As hard as the last few years? Maybe not. Probably because my expectation level has dropped to 0.01 above zero.

Those that read my blog will know I had a vaginal polypropylene mesh tape implanted in me during a hysterectomy for Endometriosis. I thought it was, and I was told, it was, an inert material designed to hold my bladder up like a sling which would help with the stress incontinence they said I had.

When I woke up from the surgery in 2005 I felt an intense painful tension across my pubis…which I still have. It feels like I need a wee urgently and feels like something is cutting into me.

It feels like cystitis. I moaned about it since..the implanting surgeon gave me medication to ‘relax’ my bladder…as all they could find in my wee samples was blood, just a small amount.

The medication didn’t work and so ensued a fifteen year investigation as to the cause of this blood, pain and urgency. My GP referring me here there and everywhere to try and find the cause. Me becoming sicker and sicker.

I’ve done tons of physio. I’ve done diet restriction, addition and subtraction. I kept a food diary for two years. I kept an activity diary. I analysed every part of my life….and changed it. Including my work – several times – as everything I did seemed to irritate my groin. I did this for years. I eventually became exceptionally ill and was put on an NHS palliative care program.

My daughter got involved, together, through research we found that the TVT mesh that I’d had implanted in 2005 had left women with the symptoms I was complaining of. But, the kicker was, the longer it was left in situ the harder, almost impossible, it was to remove.

It was not designed to be moved.

It was designed to cause a ‘healing’ response from the surrounding tissue and build a tissue mass within my pelvic cavity. It was this mass which would then, in theory, hold the bladder in place. The TVT mesh’s rough edges were designed to irritate and cause the foreign body reaction which hurts us.

So, my lawyer contacted me yesterday to say until I have a doctor who admits my pain is caused by the TVT I have no case. Fifteen years of investigations and lies amount to nothing but exactly what they are.

I think the cost should be counted. I’m sat at home, on full disability, I’m 52 years old.

I was working full time. I’d retrained to become an electrician to be more physical and left modelling behind – I could no longer stand up in the shoes and it got me no where. Nothing worked.

I don’t complain about not being able to walk as I do have Ehlers Danlos but is this is being used as an excuse not to treat me? I got referred by my implanting surgeon for ‘consideration of removal of TVT’ in 2018 after I presented him with evidence of my continued ignored symptoms since 2005.

I’m no closer to removal now than I was in 2018. Further away really, as the removal specialist to which I was referred left the NHS soon after I saw her in Oxford 2019 (with my evidence) and then the hospital discharged me last month as they said they don’t have funds for TVT removal.

I was hoping to get somewhere with lawyers to go private as I know the government is refunding women who have done this. It seems discriminatory that us poor people reliant on the NHS are being pushed to the back of the queue and, as it appears in my case at least, still ignored.

So, no pay out. No removal as yet…Having been discharged from Oxford I’m not even with a consultant gynaecologist. It looks like I’ll be holding on to this torture device for a while longer.

Yeah, I know Matt Hancock apologised to all of us but he just says the right thing for the camera.

Thanks for reading.

On a good note I did submit my first book to a literary agent. At least I can think straight again.

Lab Rat Age – Lockdown Poem

Isolating for covid nineteen

All social distancing

It’s now twenty twenty-one

Another lock down has begun

Pfizer, Astra Zeneca and J & J

Motivated with shares and graphs

They wipe us away

Like fleas on an arse

Looking back to where to begin

I came across the story of Aspirin

Linked to Spanish Flu, who knew?

Pharma have us by the balls

Wanting funding for a new cause

Just how many more variants

Can really be found

In residents isolating, gone to ground?

We’ve vaccinated millions

Yet death figures soar

It takes no super sleuth

To unlock the cage

On Britain’s new,

Lab Rat Age.

The end.

Thanks for reading

copyright Samantha Harris (unextraordinarybint) January 2021

No Better – Review Stapled Hemorrhoidopexy. Honest/Blunt.

A week ago I had my appointment at NHS colorectal specialist regarding my butt pain.

This is now the third hospital I’ve been seen for looking into this. I wish they’d share medical records… I’m reminded of how, last decade, I used to go from hospital to hospital over the bladder pain. Then I read an article which told me it could be the TVT polypropylene mesh.

I read through the doctors letters that I had and saw that it was being mentioned as okay when I wasn’t really aware that this was what they were looking at.

Each consultant said the same thing “no erosion of the TVT”. I know now that there is no possible way they could have seen this by these investigations and each one of them lied.

Taking you back to 2005 when I had an Hysterectomy for Endometriosis because of night sweats and crippling pain. I was discharged from the ward six days after my surgery without clearing my bowels. I was re-admitted five days later having still not cleared my bowels.

Four years after that I am having a Stapled Hemorrhoidopexy, which I am unaware is a new procedure. The story of getting to that point is a whole book of horrors for another day.

I wake after the Stapled Hemorrhoidopexy in what the medical profession disgustingly call “exquisite pain”. That is not the correct term. The correct term would be horrific pain that will never be forgotten, worse than child birth. I woke screaming like a banshee. There was nothing exquisite about it. Sick sacks.

If you look up Stapled Hemorrhoidopexy, the gumph will tell you it is a painless, minimal invasive procedure and that you will be back to work the next day. It is not true. Far from it. This is a cut and shunt that you will be lucky to be standing up comfortably the next week, let alone the next day.

It definitely doesn’t suit everyone and if you have Ehlers Danlos like myself I would recommend not having it and demanding the older technique with biological material and a gentle hand. A huge mechanical stapler being shoved up your arse is not easy to recover from.

I have not yet found out what they used to fix the cut, the surgeon told me it was a ‘composite ring’. I am in the process of getting my medical records because of the TVT Mesh case I am trying to bring against the NHS, I am trying to find what this ‘composite ring’ is made of…because of my butt pain whilst I’m there.

It’s been eleven years since I had the Stapled Hemroidplexy to correct my evacuation problems. It didn’t work. It never worked and now it’s incredibly painful and has been for a few years – getting worse as time goes by.

Care is bad for women patients in the NHS. Since closing the women’s hospitals we have to travel hundreds of miles. I’m in so much pain, it is incredibly hard to to travel to several different areas of the country for what is essentially an inch difference on my body.

Common sense seems to have left the building and thousands of people are left on benefits because of operations and procedures like this…it costs the government and the tax payer millions.

During my recent (Dec 2020) consultation I was not asked my history…we didn’t have time. My kind doctor told me that my upper and lower abdominal CT Scan, poo sample and blood results had all came back normal.

To me, that is instantly worrying. They’d done a chest CT too… I have bullous lung disease, or cystic lungs…clearly visible on a scan if any one looks at it. At stage four I have a heavy shadow on my right lung unavoidable to any eye let alone a trained eye of a radiographer.

As a patient being told that they can find nothing wrong when you are unable to sit down during the consultation is an unpleasant situation. I had no option but to have the poor consultant physically examine me. She would be sure to feel the rectroentrocele (or something) to show that I am not mental.

There is no understatement when I say it really fecking hurt.

Like last year at Watford General, it was very difficult and upsetting.

More painful was her finding something, checking with me that it hurt, and then pushing on it…the pressure made my heart flip and my ears pop. I tried to go through the wall on the other side of the bench to get away from her soul pressing finger.

The doctor handed me a wipe and some tissues. Getting dressed I wondered what she had found and how on earth I was going to get through Christmas in so much pain.

The doc has told me I am in pelvic spasm and given me some cream to use until I see her again early next year. I will let you know how it goes. I’m due to see her again in February 2021 – unless we are still in covid19 lockdown and it’s cancelled.

Thanks for reading.

Poor guy.https://www.researchgate.net/publication/51172093_Hemoperitoneum_as_severe_and_unusual_complication_in_the_stapler_recto-anopexy_for_hemorrhoidal_prolapse_Case_report

Thursday is the Day – journal entry

So, I went for my CT scan at Luton hospital last week. The whole thing was utterly exhausting, and it was hard for me to keep things in perspective. I did get through it, I remained polite, I got my scan and left. This coming Thursday I will return to Luton Hospital and find out whether there is something sinister or not.

I find things difficult at the best of times but getting around during the covid19 pandemic is in league of its own, one needs a degree in logistics. To be frank, I’m in so much pain, the drive itself was a chore and I was pleased to arrive in plenty of time and find the disabled carpark fairly easily.

Because I use a wheelchair and/or a trolley seat (a mobility aid which means I can walk a bit and then sit for a bit) I had the foresight to call the hospital to check where I had to go. The information they had sent through the post didn’t include anything for disabled people. I wanted to make sure the scanning dept. was okay with me not having the blood test for the kidney function, as I wasn’t having the contrast.

The lady who spoke to me on the phone was really helpful and assured me that they always see people on time so not to arrive early, else I’d be waiting in the cold and that it was fine about the dye, I didn’t have to had the contrast.

The journey went well, I did arrive early in the carpark and thought it wise see the scanner zone and check out its location. Good job I plan for bad luck as it took me ten minutes to get out of the carpark.

I was not happy. You cannot imagine the pain I am in when I stand up. I have a walking stick and a light weight frame on wheels which pulls out into a seat. I walked around the disabled carpark, twice. I then pulled out my seat and sat down. A white van was parked near me. I could see someone sat in the driver’s seat. I stare at the windscreen.
The window of it starts winding down and a man puts his head out of the driver’s side. He shouts across to me,

“You okay love?”

“Not really,” I reply. “Am I expected to jump this fence to get into the hospital? Where’s the exit?”

He laughed.

Yeah, very funny, I thought, as I was barely keeping the tears at bay. He pointed towards the wooden builder’s hording wall just in front of us and said,

“It’s on the other side of that. Just go around to the right there, around the corner and you’ll see it.”

I thanked him, gave him a smile which hopefully did not say you fucking arsehole for watching me for what seemed like an eternity, stood up with the aid of my stick and pulled my trolley around the white painted hoarding and, yes, I found the exit of the carpark and finally, into the hospital.

How hard would it have been to put a sign there?

It was then a further ten minute journey for me of walking, sitting, walking to get to the zone where the scanner was. I arrived at 9.25am for my 9.30am appointment. The weather temperature was three degrees according to my car. I was glad to be wrapped up and was feeling smug that I had a flask of tea in the car for when I returned to it. My heart was proper pounding in my chest from the effort, but I was pleased I’d not used my wheelchair as it had all been up hill.

I had my mask on. I’ve got a black fabric one as I have lung disease and need to breathe. Since I was little, I’ve covered my mouth in the cold. It hurts less when you breathe in through a scarf or big fluffy collar or cowl. I don’t mind wearing the mask but when I walk, I cough. Nothing clears the pathway faster, like Moses parting the sea as I walked through the hospital grounds, people crossed over the road rather than walk near me.

I found the area where I needed to be as a kindly man could see I was lost and struggling. He pointed out that I was really close, and but for the lack of signs I would have known.
The kindness of strangers is something I’ve come to rely on since becoming sick. I’m thankful that as a tall person I used to help people out when I was able. As a tall person you are obliged to help out shorter people or people in wheelchairs, it’s part of the ‘tall people’s’ code.

Arriving in Area D…the CT scanner. I realized that it was directly opposite Area C, which is the children department. When I say opposite, I mean the CT Scanner door was approximately two metres from the entrance to the children’s hospital.
I only point it out as they were queuing to get in and I had to wait amongst them.

Social distancing rules have seen the hospital remove seats and benches, so I was pleased with my trolley seat and tried to position myself so that when I coughed, I was facing the scanning unit rather than the pathway. I heard several envious comments about my seat.

I feel it is an ill thought out plan to keep people waiting in the same area where sick children are also waiting. It was impossible to social distance. In order to get their temperatures checked before being allowed into the hospital this queue was being pushed passed by people leaving the hospital too.

Also, it is wrong to make people stand in the cold when there is a respiratory illness going around.

Getting temperatures checked before being allowed INTO the hospital. There are too many things wrong with this…I mean the point of coming to the hospital is that you are ill.

I listened as one by one the parents were told that only one of them could attend by the side of their sick child whilst being made to stand next to strangers coughing. There was one nurse on checking them in and she was doing a cracking job at moving the queue along. I cannot blame the staff, but surely common sense would suggest this queuing does not meet the anti-transmission guidelines.

As per a sign’s instruction, I knocked on the scanner unit’s door and waited. Nothing happened so I waited until exactly 9.30am and knocked again. A serious looking man put his head around the door and asked my name. I inwardly cringed as I feverishly hoped someone else would be in there and I’m not alone with him but keep my anxiousness under control smile and give my name. He doesn’t smile back, nods acknowledgement, repeats my name and closes the door again.

A few minutes later he opened it again and tells me that they have a patient in, and it shouldn’t be much longer. Then he squeezed passed me to go get a cup of tea. I will never know whether it was for him or the patient. I did feel that when he passed me with his warm cup of tea, he had a proper smug look on his face.

This is the perceived racism I feel when faced with some health staff since the attack, stuff I didn’t notice before but now take more personally. The sly looks. The extra waiting. The not smiling back when you smile at them. I’m more wary now, that is sad. I used to just accept it but now I cannot help but question if I am waiting longer because of my name or something else I cannot control.

I was coughing pretty much constantly by the time they opened the door, and the patient came out. I was in at 9.50am and was not in a great frame of mind. The tea man introduced himself, as the radiographer and then started to question my unsuitability claim for the contrast dye.

Back in March 2019 I had an MRI and I had contrast. It was awful and the burning didn’t stop for a month. A blood test, taken in A&E in April, showed my kidneys were showing signs of damage. The doctor told me to stop drinking alcohol rather than listen to me (and my daughter) that it was the contrast dye. I don’t drink alcohol. Not all white people like it. It is water usually in my wine glass so that I look like I’m joining in.

I did my own research and found out that people who have undergone lots of surgical procedures may not be suitable for the dye. The burning I was feeling was at the areas where they’d cut into my body at previous occasions and operations. The ions in the dye tend to group together in these areas which can cause burning sensations and pain. I don’t know why it affects the kidneys.

The MRI scan last year had taken over an hour and I’d eventually asked for it to finish as I couldn’t lie on the bench any longer. The report came back as everything okay. They didn’t note my lung disease, the TVT mesh, my leaky heart valve or the rectum staples. The only thing they noted was that I didn’t have a womb, but my referral letter had said I’d had a hysterectomy.

I thought they’d gotten me muddled with another patient, but this was all at Watford last year, now I was at Luton. Different time, different location and hopefully a different outcome.

I hand Mr tea radiographer man, the forms which they’d sent me. These are forms giving consent for use of the dye and for consent for the images to be used in research and the blood request forms.

He looked a bit annoyed.

On the forms I’d written I consented for diagnostic purposes only and not the contrast injection as I have a compromised immune response issue adding it is not suitable for me. And I signed it.

Clearly, I wanted the normal CT scan and as I had already phoned up them about it, I didn’t see why I needed to justify it again to an arrogant radiographer who obviously thought I was doing it just to annoy him. He came around from behind his glass screen.

“Who said you can’t have the contrast?”

“I did” was my response and I went on to tell him what had happened, but he waved his hand at me and went back to his little booth…he shouted,

“Which hospital did you have the MRI at?”

I replied and then watched him call Watford General. I look at him and I’m thinking…WTF. If he thinks for a moment, he can bully me into something which I know will hurt me he is sadly mistaken, and I start putting my coat back on.

I can hear him on the phone…”yeah, Samantha Harris, says she had a reaction to the dye….”

I catch the eye of the female nurse helping him. I tell her silently mouthing the words…”I’m going to go now as I’m not having the dye.”

I start to stand up as he isn’t listening…he is not listening to me at all. I’ve not had the blood tests to show that my kidneys are fine for the contrast dye. I’d had this at WGH, and it had come back okay. It obviously was not okay otherwise my kidneys would not have looked like a heavy drinkers a month after the scan.

He marches over to me and gives me the forms, releasing them just before I get my hand to them.

“You may as well have these back then.” He states as they fall down on floor near my feet.

He returns to the glass screen booth and the nurse introduces herself and helps me get up on the bench. I coughed a lot. I managed to lie still for the few seconds it takes to take the scan. I’m told I can go home as soon as I am dressed.

I make my way back to the car. I pour myself a cup of tea and cry. I then realise I’ve forgotten to get all the blood tests the consultant wanted done. I cry a bit more. I’m too tired to go back into the hospital, I drive home carefully and fall asleep until the next day.

I almost cried when the blood clinic nurse put the needle in my arm for the blood tests. It was nothing to do with her technique, it’s obviously me.

I think this shows that I am a baby. My pain threshold must be exceptionally low to be almost on the ceiling for a little blood being taken.

To me, this has to be a good sign.
Now it’s a waiting game.

I find out on Thursday afternoon what the colorectal consultant thinks about my sore behind…she is called Dr Brown. Bless her.

The Whiteness and Bloody Americans. Rant.

What is wrong with white people? This is aimed at white people in Europe not the States. I’m English and would also class myself as European. I voted to remain for Brexit.

How can white people not realise they may be a target for hatred? Because, in the same way my (white) ancestors had to scream out for help to London, most are not aware.

The media and social media only tell what it wants, but if you look you will find independent news outlets now giving out the very depressing news. Youtube is worth watching if you can circumnavigate the PR stuff, filters, sexist and racist search results.

Stabbing and shootings in towns up and down the country have increased dramatically during lockdown…they stopped collecting ethnicity as it was getting very obvious. In response, Far right activity rose by 4% to 8% of our countries total terrorist threat. This resulted in a news blackout of the ongoing attacks.

But, I want to talk about our health and the NHS, and a woman called Rano Bains.

Why should you be interested in what she says? Because she is Head of Equality and Diversity for many NHS Trusts and hospitals (national health service) in England. It is her words which drive policy, funding and training in our wards and universities.

Rano Bain’s words…

“The whiteness refers to white consciousness – the ‘silent’, pervasive, cultural norm that informs and shapes our racial ideology. Whiteness is constructed as a formless, empty cultural space that is neutral, natural and normative. Whiteness, because it is an unnamed, hegemonic position of privilege and power, becomes the point of reference for measuring others, unlike “blackness” which has been named in the language of white signification. Whiteness has defied scrutiny as it does not seem like a culture as everyone is apparently the same.”

hmmm…plain English would have been nice…..However, I will attempt to break it down.

Do white people know what other white people think? She makes it sound like we are plugged into an invisible big psychic cloud. Her claims of white consciousness of people in Russia, Israel, Poland being the same as white people in England, Germany or America are terrible.

It shows her racism immediately. The first line says that she is viewing white people from a position of suspicion and it is white people who declare racial identity, to her. Is Ms Bains the type of person who should be running our ‘equality and diversity’ departments?

Current serving Ministers have declared that white privilege has no place being taught in our schools, but are they aware that it is taught in our NHS to our healthcare assistants, nurses and doctors?

White people come lower down the humanity chart to many people in the media, the health care profession and education. This has to change. All lives matter all faiths matter, including those without faith – that doesn’t mean they make the rules.

When people are not offered the same facilities and services it is called discrimination. (eg. TB vaccine). When they are not warned of extra risks to them, (eg. flu vaccine) this is racism.

White people are the only race not afforded the indigenous land protections.

In this manner, the United Nations is racist.

My country – The United Kingdom of the British Isles, is a country RICH in culture and heritage. It is wrong to say we have none. To be frank it is racist to say white people have no culture.

Terms like ‘snowy peaks, and ‘the whiteness‘ are racist. They should not be allowed within training programs in our national health system. They should be discredited by academics within our schools and universities.

Explain to me why white people are criticized for holding positions in predominantly white citizenships or companies? How can that possibly be racist? But, it isn’t racist that African’s insist on their land being owned by black people? It isn’t racist that native American Indians have land that is just theirs?

If white people want their own space, it’s racist?

Explain why Christians can’t say they hate Islam? Both are bad, but Christians have become tolerant and are the standing religion in the UK along with paganism. Religion isn’t even a race but somehow it is being added to our ‘hate crime’ laws, originally designed to protect everyone. Soon I will be unable to say I hate religion!!!

This directly threatens our free speech and our security.

Explain why a black person (from anywhere) is on our national news talking about feeling hurt because she suspects racism? She suspects it was racism…? She may be getting hassled for all sorts of reasons to assume it is racism is not on. Because she is in a predominantly white country she declares racism, but she works within a predominantly non white environment in the NHS in London.

Regardless.

How is this national news when the same day people were stabbed, on UK streets, for being white? Another incident only covered at a local level, as all of these types of murders now.

Murder by colour code. If you are a white murderer or white child killer you will be plastered over the media, if you are black/brown/not English you may not even get arrested if your child dies unexpectantly unless the public pull the police up.

Explain why George Floyd is on BBC but Cannon Hinnant isn’t? Neither murder happened in Britain (BBC stands for British Broadcasting Corp).

I’m scared. I stand as someone who was attacked by people who were not of my colour. I am not imagining the hatred towards me. I’m verbally attacked when I leave my home by an awful Russian woman (white). I’m scared of the doctors and nurses no matter what colour they are, as many view me as spoilt immediately because I am English. White Irish ambulance staff can be especially mean. All white people are not the same!

As an English person I learnt a long time ago to lie about where I am from, but I will never again. I educated myself away from the white guilt, the same as I educated myself away from the Christian guilt and can now see it for what it is. Both are run for greed, envy, laziness, brainwashing and corruption.

I stand as someone who was born in Plymouth, Devon, England. The full history is not covered by the Americans EVER…they remain race blind on the slave trade history because of their own sordid history and because it suits certain people politically.

This lady, Rano Bains (no idea where she is from), has a nerve to say this of England with her Whiteness perspective. However, we are the most tolerant of countries. Perhaps she cannot see a long history or culture within our country, but surely this does not mean there isn’t one?

I read her pdf in 2018 and have been stewing since. I didn’t want to do a piece as I don’t want to add to a rise of hatred towards anyone but it seems I do need to defend myself and my life. A black lady is found online saying all white people are inbred and most of the comments underneath agreed…however, you will not be able to find it.

Search for any attack on a white person and google immediately takes you to black lives matter material unless you know the name of the victim and the date you will not find it on referenced on our news. Google is not relevant and neither is youtube.

White people are not the same, nor do we think we are the same. We are classed as white for measurement of resources for assurances to black and brown people to ensure that facilities are shared equally.

Also, we now appear to have strange advert quotas – air brushing blond people from TV, advertising, film and social media in Europe is also getting very tedious. European people are white. Get over it. Stop telling us we are racist.

White people are just people. We don’t deserve any more or any less than any other human. It is Rano Bain’s term, The Whiteness, that gave birth to many of my poems reflecting as The Blackness….ideally I wouldn’t be seeing the world in this manner. I never used to. But, this is obviously the idea, after all, you cannot capture a culture and it’s resources without upsetting a few people.

Our national anthem has come under attack. Us Brits will ignore it and will carry on with it but for the English (traitors), Americans, Indians, Pakistanis, Russians and African who called for it to be banned, please get a education by reading the following.

The history behind the British song Rule Britannia, UK national anthem.
In the 1600s the seas around Britain were ruled by North African Slavers(who were black). They boarded British ships and carried off the crews (whites) to be sold as slaves in Africa. The situation became so bad that fishermen wouldn’t put out to sea in case they were captured by African Slave Traders.
Between 1609 and 1616, 466 British ships were captured by Slave Traders in the English Channel, Irish Sea and North Atlantic, and the crews were sold into slavery. White crews.

Some other historical news stories from England include,

In 1625, sixty English people (white) who had taken refuge in a local church were dragged out, loaded up and taken off to Africa to be sold as slaves from Mount’s Bay in Cornwall

On 12 August 1625 the Mayor of Plymouth wrote to London for military help after 27 ships had been seized by North African Muslim Slave Traders in just 10 days.

In 1645, 240 people were seized as slaves in Cornwall.

White people – valued by other nations because of the colour of their skin for abuses in other countries. We didn’t value ourselves higher because of our skin they did because they wanted it.

One or two survived, made their way back to England and wrote of their capture, but most didn’t.

The situation only began to improve for Britain after the end of our English Civil War when the Royal Navy was built up under Oliver Cromwell.

By 1700, North African Slavers generally knew better.

It was in honour of this defence of our security, that in 1740, James Thompson wrote ‘Rule Britannia’.

Apathy will not help our children or our grandchildren. I stupidly did not go to the police over my own attack in Kings College Hospital but I did complain and I did go to my GP about my injuries so it is a matter of record. I also took photos of my injuries, they amounted to bruising.

People need to stop talking about racism as if white people are always responsible. Racists are everywhere and you cannot tell them by their colour.

Stop believing that because of colour you should have less and be grateful because you have nothing to feel bad about.

Stop believing that because of colour you should have more and other people owe you something.

The end.

Leave a comment if you like, I suspect this will be filtered out of google and bing search anyway.

Thanks for reading.

If anyone else can decode Ms Rano Bain’s words please enlighten me. Pardon the pun.

Letters 25th November 2020. RE Flu.

So, today I got a letter. Like the recent text messages, it tells me that I need to have my flu vaccine. It tells me that it is my responsibility to get it because of covid19…blah, blah, blah.

Good stuff you may think. I may add that I think vaccines, overall, are a good thing.

However, I am auto-immune deficient because of a foreign body reaction to polypropylene which was placed in my pelvic area during a hysterectomy for Endometriosis. I had my flu vaccine last year as I have COPD and Ehlers Danlos.

I didn’t know last year, that people who are immune compromised shouldn’t be offered the new adjuvanted flu vaccine and, it seems, neither did my doctor and I became very ill with flu over Christmas 2019. Two things –

  1. I shouldn’t have been offered this particular flu vaccine and should have had the normal one.
  2. My reaction to the new adjuvanted vaccine must not have been picked up by the system.

I called the GP. I spent three whole minutes listening to their automatic message telling me to go to the website and do the business online. Whilst listening I did try their online consultation but it is not possible to turn off the tracking cookies so my PC says no.

Anyway, I get to speak to the receptionist and explain I need a COPD check and to talk about the flu vaccine I keep being asked to have. A doctor calls me within the hour which is amazing as I just waited ten days for telephone consultation over my sore rectum.

We speak for around fifteen minutes. She checks my records, see the novel virus diagnosis and logged visits to myself last year after my flu vaccine. She has no problem checking the box which says that I had a reaction and not to be invited for it again. Brilliant stuff.

Having read the recent warnings from the American drug regulators I am wondering if the UK will also issue a similar warning. It is not suitable for everyone. Vaccines are not a one treatment for all and should be used on patients able to cope physically.

As always, thank you for your time.

Stop Discrimination in Medicine

Over and over again we are told only some people can get certain diseases and other races cannot. Even if results come back indicating a blood disorder, sickle cell will not be tested for…maybe even rickets would not be picked up because of your childs genetic makeup…although they don’t know your child’s genetic makeup…they do that on sight, by name or nationality. They = Doctors.

Rickets is a disease where monitoring and treatment is being targeted towards non whites when every child is at equal risk. Here is a medical paper saying it isn’t just non whites who suffer from it…attempting to make racist doctors understand that white children get ill too.

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(14)60211-7/fulltexthttps://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(14)60211-7/fulltext

We’ve accepted racism and allowed it to enter our health professions. As a result Rickets is on the rise and many of our sick children go undiagnosed with painful diseases for lengthy periods.

We must call out racist papers and medical trials. If a drug is to be safe or a treatment, it must be safe for everyone. As genetically we are all different – not all white people are the same, not all black people are the same and there are billions of people inbetween.

Allopurinol – known to have vicious side effects in non whites is not usually prescribed to black folks in England, or shouldn’t be. It was given to me though and caused major rash and major gout attack.

But, much worse than that, I found this video. It doesn’t even warn against giving it to black people…

So, we are all at the mercy of this distrust and it is caused by the Pharma companies.

Please be cautious about any medication given to you and read the small print carefully.

Stay safe.

Thanks for reading.

I wonder how many other drugs are known to cause harm depending on your genetics?

South African Women Be Careful

We know the media do their own things these days and news isn’t what it was. The mesh scandal was quickly swallowed up by covid19 news here in the UK.

The TVT polypropylene – the vaginal sort. It is dangerous and pharma are now going to push it at other countries. In order to make you want it they may tell you it’s worked really well here, it hasn’t.

And I found this…

LIARS

The ban is in place for a reason. You are not being denied something that is good. It was not licenced in your country because it isn’t safe. PR companies will be writing articles saying how wonderful it is. Terms like ‘gold standard’ will be used and they will claim only a tiny percentage suffer side effects.

We have fought long and hard to be listened to in our countries. Many of us are maimed and more of us cannot have sex comfortably, if at all. Plus, we still have the wee problem.

The same firm who makes them, Johnson and Johnson, advertise constantly on our TVs to sell us the pads to clear up after our bladders. Ironic.

However, we organised, we’ve realised that many of us had untreated bugs in our bladder before the operations and that was partly responsible for the loss of control.

Rather than sort this out they claim it’s our physiological makeup and surgically attempt to fix us.

It is always down to the individual but a life without sex is pretty grim. The Gynaes here have dismissed us for decades with comment like “you can still do anal”. (Not everyone likes anal).

Stay safe and please do not believe everything the pharma tells you. Look to traditional methods.

There is an old surgical method which was used for centuries which doesn’t involve shoving plastic in your pelvic region. A couple of stitches in the right place. Could be done with cameras etc still. Do not let them put plastic inside you. It makes you feel ill.

Thanks for reading.

End of today’s rant.

Watch “Special report: Infected Blood – The search for truth” on YouTube

So, while the world is looking at blood transfusions to fix the ‘covid19 nightmare’…this is going on.

The link above is for the youtube coverage of the NHS blood scandal which started in the late 1970s and continued – disgustingly- until the 1990s, accidently killing thousands including Anita Roddick who was The Body Shop founder.

It has taken forty years to get here and they have been investigating for some years now.

But was it really an accident?

I’ve been listening to the inquiry and it’s rather sickening. It’s more than sickening. It’s criminal.

At the time in the 1980s, 1990s, the patients’ questions were ignored, children were diagnosed and treated with large amounts of factor 8 after it was known to contain American prison drug users blood infected with the AIDs Virus.

After hours of questioning, the doctor did, when asked if he had anything to say, broke down and said, “It’s bad isn’t it, it shouldn’t have happened”.

Too right it shouldn’t have happened. Thousands lost their lives and children. No one lost their job.

How he did not lose his job is astounding.

Yet, here we are again. Using blood products supposedly safe for use in covid19 patients if the originator has recovered from covid19…is the blood being super heat treated to make sure no other viruses or diseases are present?

If you listen to this inquiry you’ll realise that there is no guarantee of that.

Thanks for reading.

worth watching as not being covered in national media

About the New NHS Telephone Consultations…

Get comfy, this is not an exciting read. It’s personal and very boring. I have some good points, I think. It’s a hard time for many of us, if not all of us and those of us with mental health problems are finding it hard to get any kind of advice.

I have two people I trust. They both suggest different things. I am at a loss with this one. This isn’t about my mental health it’s about my physical health but it’s impact on my mind is tangible.

During the covid19 pandemic the NHS has been going ahead with the implementation of digital consultations. They have basically worked out that they don’t actually need to see the patients they can treat them on the phone or by email.

Why have actual patients at all really? Just use our NHS numbers and bill the Trust anyhow? I feel like a used car being bumped between garages until my red warning light goes on. I hope to God that not everybody’s care is like mine.

I have had several of these ‘consultations’ now and quite frankly they could be better and feel like they are a waste of my time – they could be useful but unless doctors do them properly there is no point other than the pay load for the doctor or getting medicines prescribed ( I appreciated that when I had a virus in my eyes in the Spring).

One of my conditions is lung disease…it was diagnosed in my late thirties by a shadow on the lung seen on an x ray taken at Watford General in 2009 but I’d been suffering with vomiting, fainting, and heavy mucous and digestive problems since seven years old, intermittently.

I got diagnosed when I was sent private to the BMI Harrow 2008 for my bladder and they saw cysts throughout my other organs. I told my GP and then I was sent for the chest x-ray as my rib cage, at the back, hurt. I had a large lipoma there and it was removed in case it was causing pain, but it was nothing sinister and the pain persisted.

My NHS treatment has been reasonable. I was attending a Watford General clinic, their Thoracic department of Respiratory Medicine every six months to see a doctor there called Flip (not real name). They’ve done some gas exchange tests and learnt I’ve around one third of my lung capacity left but that was some years ago.

Flip is nice and friendly but not very attentive to my condition and wellbeing…like he does seem to care but often forgets he has seen me. He has twice written to my GP saying I didn’t turn up for clinic when I had.

I always have someone with me. So, it was all witnessed that I had attended, I’ve never missed an appointment with him but have several letters saying so. So, he seems like a good doctor but old and perhaps a little distracted generally? He’s very likable.

We are in the middle of a pandemic with Covid19 so my appointment for the end of September this year was cancelled, by letter, from the Thoracic dept. at Watford General. I didn’t mind. Nothing can be done for me, so it is just me and the doc touching base so to speak. He has seen me go through many changes over the last decade.

It was surprised when I got a call from a consultant based at another hospital. She introduced herself as Dr Thingmabob (not her real name) based at St Mary’s, London. She knew all about me and obviously had my notes so although I should have questioned why my case had been moved to her, I didn’t. I think I was in shock as I wasn’t expecting the call. I assume it’s because of the pandemic.

It is a queer thing though. I get frightened when they move me about. I worry that they’ve lost me or will get me muddled with someone else. I have previously complained about the A & E dept. at Watford General denying that they had a Thoracic medicine dept.

The staff told me it was all in my head as there was no record of my chest condition in my notes and no respiratory dept. at their hospital in April 2019. I digress. All this stuff does not help. Unfortunately, there is another Samantha Harris with my date of birth living in my town. Poor woman, we actually worked at the same David Lloyd gym once. I wonder if she suffers from being confused with me.

Doctor Thingamabob was friendly but didn’t do the basics. She didn’t ask after my health or current medication. It has been one year since I last saw the service. Where did she get her information on me from? Her main interest seemed to be to get me to stop taking HRT.

A lot happens in a year. Should Doctors be making decisions on old notes they have from ‘lord knows’ before calling the patient? They ought to know how bad the NHS computer system is at collating the information on one particular patient. They use it every day.

I told her I had already stopped taking HRT. It had been advised by the breast cancer clinic after getting breast pain diagnosed as cysts seen with breast scan taken at St Albans City Hospital in early 2019 – part of West Herts Hospitals NHS Trust – should be on my notes too…I’m not sure what she can see.

Dr Thingamabob was not going to listen to me…she continued to tell me that HRT makes my lung condition worse. I told her I’d stopped taking the hormones over ten months ago. I thought that she had finally accepted this when she asked me if I had any daughters. (YEP)

We spoke a little about my daughter’s lung issues although she never asked about my daughter’s gynae issues or I could I have told her she has polycystic ovaries. Digressing, sorry. But if this was her interest than surely this be an obvious path of questioning?

I brought her back to my case by questioning her about the three different diagnosis’s I had for my lungs over the years. I pointed out that docs said cysts in my lungs at BMI Harrow, but it was changed to Bullous Lungs at Watford then to Emphysema last year, as I told the consultant I’d started smoking.

Whilst on the phone she said that she was reviewing my CT scan of my lungs and said that it was cysts, and she would like me to have a blood test for LAM as that too can be make worse by HRT. I told her again I was no longer on HRT – I was getting a little annoyed at this obsession with HRT. We said goodbye to each other, and I put down the phone thinking ‘what was that?’.

I should point out usually my blood pressure and weight are taken by the clinic. These are obviously not able to be taken on the phone so she couldn’t see I am still losing weight. I still have the cough which I mentioned to Flip last year when I saw him. It is now very annoying and hard to go anywhere as everyone stares at me. Bloody covid19!

Being that I’ve had my cough since April 2019 it’s more than likely a ‘smokers cough’. It is a very embarrassing thing to have right now. It would be really nice to have a course of steroids or antibiotics to get rid, but it will never happen…or even better to be able to give up smoking without it hurting too much or making my MVP jump.

Oh, I’m very cynical. I’m thankful to have found the acetylcysteine and use it whenever the lungs are really congested. Thank you, Amazon International. I’m thankful for the mugwort which I SMOKE as well as drink as a tea. These things have genuinely helped me.

In my country it’s illegal to get acetylcysteine without NHS prescription and it is not licenced for use with lung conditions. It is not possible to buy steroids or antibiotics or antivirals from the chemist without a GP prescription. Many people look at our system and think it’s great. It’s not. It’s a denial of medical health products and being at the mercy of selfish doctors.

The consultation was pleasant. I mentioned to my daughter that the consultant was very interested in her lungs, more than mine as she still has a womb. Then I forgot it. At the beginning of this week I got a letter from the consultant headed up from West Herts Hospitals NHS Trust…not from St. Mary’s.

The letter tells my GP that she would like me to have this LAM test as I’m on HRT and it will be making my condition worse. She also put in a blood test form which requests the VEGF Ab Test and scrawls across it ‘send it out if needed’ as she doesn’t know if the hospital has the test facility.

There is something else which she has done that confused me. She writes, within the letter, that she has reviewed my CT abdomen scan and notes it is free of cysts on the kidneys…

As she didn’t do this (looking at the scan) on the phone to me, I’ve no idea which CT abdomen scan she is referring to. However, I’m pleased that she notified my GP of the absence. It seems unlikely that I have LAM because of this statement.

Being that she states, in the letter, that the LAM test is needed as it is ‘relevant because she is on HRT’, one has to wonder how relevant the test is because that I am NOT.

I have mental health issues. I’m finding it harder and harder to trust the medical services. There is no cure for LAM, and should the test be positive I would need to transfer to Nottingham to attend a LAM clinic – it says so in the letter. That is extremely far.

I’m very tired, fed up and in an increasing amount of pain with my groin and this fecking TVT mesh. Yep my chest does hurts, I’m air hungry constantly and I’m coughing. It doesn’t take a genius to know I’ve got a bad set of lungs.

And, yes, I have had a cough for over a year and am I’m in so much pain that I cannot rest my arms against my torso and have been for over a decade this is not mentioned on any letter. It’s frustrating.

However, the NHS treatments have historically been different inhalers and contraptions for delivering medicine into the lungs. They tend to make it worse or have side effects which I cannot live with. I’m never sure what the medicines are supposed to do.

One crushing, swirling capsule gadget made my throat so sore I could barely speak (and I like to sing). Also, singing is good for the lungs. And to be encouraged. Yet, as there was no follow up to report on my usage of the medication, do they know this. How could they? It’s also such a waste.

I now have this part of the letter here which I will write word for word what she has put under diagnosis. This is a therapeutic process for me to decide whether I go for the LAM test.

Diagnosis:

  1. Previously labelled cystic lung disease with some upper cystic changes and overlap emphysema
  2. Ongoing smoker
  3. History of Ehlers Danlos syndrome – type 3 with persistent chest pains, breathlessness.
  4. On HRT (post-menopausal syndrome) but of concern if LAM present.
  5. Cyclical vomiting syndrome.

No mention of my groin issues with the TVT mesh or Stapled rectum operations…note this is very common in my communications with hospitals. They choose what they wish to note, ignore what they do not want to note, or what they are not interested in.

If she’d asked me, I could have told her I still cannot sit down comfortably and am on fentanyl pain patches and that these help with the ongoing rib/chest pain too. The night sweats are still very bad.

Which to me, makes any cohort study I may be included in, invalid as our notes are made up of bits of information not the whole story. What is relevant or not is only admissible if the doctor can see it or asks the patient what their symptoms are and lists them in the follow up letter.

Not listed, not suffering from…

It should be also be noted that I have a crossover type of EDS with classical features. My collagen is not normal. However, it is the persistent pain and breathlessness being listed under EDS rather than the lung condition which is curious.

EDS has dislocated my joints and been responsible for persistent pain in my feet, hands and joints generally since I was fifteen years old. I also have Gout in both big toes upon walking or movement.

Also, unknown, to this doctor, as she didn’t ask, I’ve not had an episode of Cyclical vomiting since I started a new medication called Cyclizine whenever the nausea starts. It’s been great. Almost six months. This was a GP intervention and has stopped the visits from the nurse completely.

It’s worrying isn’t it?

What kind of consultation is it when the doc is only interested in their agenda?

If anyone did actually read this far, thanks. Any advice appreciated.

In my heart of hearts, I don’t want the blood test, if I’m honest, – as I don’t see the point (and the hospital don’t do it so I would need to believe that WG would send it on somewhere). I assume I have to have the blood test at Watford General as there is no information in the letter regarding this.

I have my groin to deal with. Preferring to keep trips outside, drama and fuss at a minimum makes things easier for me and is helping me to cope…this isn’t helping, thinking I’ll have to travel hundreds of miles to see someone for an hour and then go again. I already have to travel hundreds of miles to see someone about the mesh removal.

However, I have mental health issues and trust is a massive factor in this. Am I being stupid?

I researched the doctor and I kid you not when I tell you she is listed at almost every hospital NHS and private hospital in the area as a respiratory consultant apart from at Watford General. Why did they tell me it was cancelled and then this doc call? Why was she so intent on making me come off HRT? Is this the way all consultations are going to go now?

Why didn’t she ask me how I was and what medication I was on now?

Do I go for the LAM test?

Will it go against me, for future treatment or consultations, if I don’t?

Thanks for reading.

Fam – poem

Are you fam?

Would you know?

Who I am?

DNA will say.

We are in an age

When all alliances

Will go astray.

To find commonality

In humanity

I need to tell you

Hatred

Is distraction man

Love is

Bringing up the rear

No priority

Re-arranged here.

Fin

By Samantha Harris

Johnson, Johnson And Johnson.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/dec/12/doctors-not-told-full-risk-vaginal-mesh-implants-bbc-panorama

The above article may be two years old but this is the same firm, Johnson & Johnson, our Government, led by Boris Johnson, has trusted to make the covid19 vaccine. The firm which tricked doctors and patients into accepting plastic polymer implants has been awarded more money.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8626619/UK-buys-potential-COVID-19-vaccines-J-J-Novavax.html

https://indianexpress.com/article/explained/covid-19-coronavirus-vaccine-update-october-14-6725217/

You could not make it up. Johnson & Johnson are a well known pharma company. They have a good name. They made it through marketing and advertising. My consultant, and others within the NHS, got monetary kickbacks from them for using their products.

The products were unsafe and many, myself included, are waiting for the complicated removal of their products to start. My surgery is continually and frustratingly postponed for one reason or another, time and time again. My recovery will take a long time once it actually starts.

The mesh, made from polypropylene, was not checked for engineering coefficients with the human body. It still hasn’t been. Yet, the medical profession are still using it to fix hernias. The current restrictions on pelvic implantation do not go far enough and the NHS decided against an outright ban.

Many mesh injury stories are not covered in the media. Thousands of men and women have been injured by this device first designed and marketed by Johnson & Johnson. Docs are using other mesh polymers like sticking plasters and ignoring the side effects. It’s a ticking time bomb.

The Government’s in bed with two of the biggest players on our globe. Pharma and Oil.

However, fossil fuel companies don’t want you looking at this 2.8 billion dollar plastic medical market in a bad light, it’s bad for investment. So, in a smoke and mirrors move, they fund the ‘clean the ocean of plastic’ campaign and use the media to attack drinking straws to tire you of the subject of plastic altogether. It works, I’m fed up of plastic talk.

TV and media is saturated with news stories of climate change and recycling written by paid PR.

The United Kingdom of the British Isles banned plastic drinking straws in England in April 2019. Yes, it is actually now illegal to buy or sell them here. I break the law regularly by asking people to bring some back with them when they go abroad…sshh.

It should be noted that no one has died as a direct result of an altercation with a plastic straw nor has any injury or damage been inflicted by one.

Zero straw companies have been taken to court for damages.

The same cannot be said for medical mesh.

The same cannot be said for Johnson & Johnson.

As a woman I’ve never felt so imprisoned. I was in medical lockdown for four years before the rest of the world was with covid19! Imprisoned by mesh and what it has done to my mobility and health.

Thanks to covid19; I am one among billions, locked safely in our homes, waiting with baited breath for news from doctors, from pharma companies and our governments.

Now my jailer’s are Johnson, Johnson & Johnson.

Obviously, with a J&J’s polymer device festering, painfully inside my abdomen I’m not going to feel great but what a slap in the face it was to hear that J & J received funding to make a covid19 vaccine after what they done to me.

Earlier this year Matt Hancock stood in front of cameras and apologised to me. He said the NHS and the government owe mesh victims a massive apology. And, then that was that. Forgive me, but that is not enough. No where near it. The fucking audacity of the man. I want this plastic shit out of me. I don’t think its too much to ask. I’ve been very patient.

“Money over morality.” That should really be the medical professions moto, or perhaps the more truthful, “Please be wary of us, we do harm” should be signposted outside every NHS Trust.

Before Johnson and Johnson are allowed to create more victims with these trials and tests on NHS patients for covid19 vaccines, surely some priority should be given to quantify and try to rectify the damage done to those of us already here through their other products?

How can a multinational company be allowed to operate against humanity and the planet’s environmental interests in the UK without any restriction? And how can they be given government funding after it’s be proven that they have done harm to patients by putting profits before safety?

Lots of questions and no answers for me. I just see all the greed and fully expect their gluttony will overcome them before any scruples will.

Ah, the drinking straws. Our gov banned them outright in such a short time regardless of the call from the disabled. It’s amazing what a so called democratic society’s government can do if they want.

They don’t want to look at plastics in medicine…it’s worth too much money. Banning the straws was a token gesture against plastic. Giving the money to J&J for the covid19 vaccine proves that NHS patients will continue to be the guinae pigs they have been for years.

What a shit show.

Thanks for reading…

Ugly Beauty – poem

Ugly is interesting

Staring is inclined

Just as beauty draws

It shows equality defined

Ugly shows a character

You’ve not witnessed before

Surrounding yourself with beauty

Can’t keep ugly from your door

Ugliness can teach you

Ugliness shows

Ugliness is not a choice

It, like beauty, grows

Ugly is a part of life

Becoming a decomposition of holes

Without it, you know nothing real

As, one side of life shows

Appreciate the ugly

We have it within

Knowing we all slide

Slowly, regretfully towards aging.

Fin

By Samantha unextraordinarybint Harris .

Be Careful What You Wish For. Bruiser.

Careful What You Wish For. Bruiser.

Why You Should ALWAYS Check What You Wish For

I spend a lot of time on my own. It wasn’t a choice. It’s something I am getting used to.

As I don’t go out much, I recently started pining for a dog. I can’t manage a dog, so I know its dream stuff, but I miss the dogs I had. I miss their personalities and I miss their company. If I’m honest I miss the security they gave me when I was outside too.

I suppose I was thinking about the need to feel safe when I leave my home.

I had a German shepherd called Bruno and my daughter’s dog Bruiser living with me for years and years. In 2016 I had to put Bruno down (he dislocated his hip) and then in 2018 I moved in here and Bruiser went to live with my daughter who’d, by then, sorted herself out somewhere more secure to live.

As you can imagine Bruiser is now getting on and coming up to his fourteenth birthday. His life with my daughter has been busy and he’s loved it. He has two human siblings now and I doubt he misses Bruno and me too much. He gets long walks in the woods, a lovely nature reserve, every day and lots of attention from the children.

However, he is exhibiting strange behaviour as my grandson is learning how to use the potty. Bruiser has decided to also start peeing around the house.

Bruiser is a mastiff rottie cross and not a small dog. My daughter called me earlier today, almost in tears, the school called so she had to pick up my granddaughter who is feeling rough after her flu vaccination last week. On arrival home she discovered the dog had urinated all over the laminate floor.

She slid in through the front door into the hall still holding the littlest one and managed to just stop the other child, already feeling ill, from slipping over in it too. I laughed as she explained that she looked around and couldn’t see one surface which was dry enough to place them.

Eventually she got in and cleaned up, but it was everywhere. Discovering it all over her sofa- bed was the last straw.

Now Bruiser had been out for his walk and usually has a good degree of control. He has never snapped at anyone or given us reason to be wary but this behaviour is bizarre and then he did something strange. He jumped up and knocked off a knife from the kitchen side. A meat knife.

It was done on the quiet too. If she hadn’t re-entered the kitchen and seen it on the floor, before the children, it could have been disastrous. It’s a no brainer. The dog is showing signs of challenging the grandson when it comes to food so there is a risk that his behaviour is becoming territorial generally. The dog gets put down or he comes to me.

I must admit, I was thinking about a dog. I wasn’t thinking about the realities of a dog just the lovely little things…the company, his soft fur and cuddles etc. I was not thinking about walking him, picking up his poo, the dog hairs everywhere or the smell. Don’t get me wrong, me and Bruiser go back a long way and I love him to bits, but I know I’m going to cleaning up after him. That’s the responsibility of the owner living in a built-up area.

Like many elderly mammals, Bruiser is no exception, he is getting grumpy. He has been a loyal and fantastic dog over the years but now his mind and body is going. He deserves the respect and room he needs; it would be cruel and perhaps dangerous to ignore it. Also, from my grandson’s aspect the freedom to pottie train without the dog in his bits every few minutes would also be nice.

Obviously, the main reason Bruiser is coming to me is that there’s no one else to take him and I know him, and we are not ready to put down a good dog (a usually good dog) just because he is old and being a pain in the arse.

I still remember the day my daughter brought him around to see me. He was so small that he fitted into a little black hat and you could hardly see him. Now he is still as black as the darkness night, but he is huge and is essentially having a pissing contest with his owner’s son lol.

Anyhow, I wished for a dog and hey presto, I’m getting one. I’m looking forward to the company and really hoping that his bladder hasn’t gone as bad as mine otherwise we will be a sorry pair. Hopefully, it is just behavioral and a good rest away from his home will do everyone good.

I know my daughter is certainly looking forward to getting him out of the house – she said it so he could hear “It’s Nanny’s or the local Chinese”.

Picture of a dog and a cat together.
Bruiser and old cat of ours, Misty. They were the best of friends.

Thanks for reading.

How Easy Would Be Easy to Make a Killer Vaccine to Target Ethnicity?

I’m concerned about what we are not talking about.

Peter Duffy blew the whistle on how foreign doctors are taking advantage of our NHS and hurting patients. He got fired and the media will not cover his story. He named four doctors they are all still practising (three of them without restriction) and having read his book ‘Whistle in the Wind’ I’m disgusted by it all and worried as an NHS patient who has suffered racism from a foreign doctor.

So, I am asking the question. Is England being targeted by bad doctors looking to defraud the NHS? When a company like Johnson and Johnson is in the mix anything is possible. If white people in Britain are perceived as spoilt, rich and undeserving why not experiment on them? These companies have shown their complete disregard for patient safety over and over again.

How come coronavirus nineteen has killed so many in western countries but not affected others so badly when they have (apparently) more poverty and closer communities?

I’m concerned that obvious problems with the current flu vaccine such as these pointed out in 2012 study which state beyond doubt that the flu vaccine affected the children’s immunity to retro and corona type viruses making it more likely for them to become seriously ill in the following years, are coming to haunt us and no one is saying anything because of the money involved.

This is the absolute proof that the flu vaccine damaged children. Then it was rolled out to younger children free on the national health system in the United Kingdom of The British Isles.

Why? How bizarre is this? Surely this is unethical?

Then there is the news a few years later that the flu vaccine works well in those with Africa heritage but not so well in others, especially European descent. I suspect this may be removed if it gets too much traffic as it’s proof that the researchers have the data.

Bizarre Race Politics is Making Us All Look Another Way.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/coronavirus-ethnic-minorities-hospital-sage-deaths-a9545096.html

This guardian article basically says that although black and minority ethnic people are more likely to be admitted they are not more likely to die from covid19.

Could it be because of the fraudulent claims of the media that bame persons were more likely to die when there was zero evidence to support it? Nigeria has had just over a thousand deaths from covid19 when England has had tens of thousands.

There is the completely ignored correlation between the uptake of the flu vaccine and the deaths from corona virus nineteen. And then you should see this.

won’t be up for long, I suspect
interesting take from a Doctor

In Africa the corona virus vaccine programs are seen as dangerous and not allowed to be trialled on black people because they are too precious…? At least they were paid! Brits aren’t they are shamed into doing with with public opinion.

So there are zero clinical trials going on in South Africa. None.

Just saying. So, what do we read from that?

Choice means choice.

Promised to ‘reduce the risk’ of getting flu…less chance of dying from it. How wrong could they have been??? What studies is he referring to? The pharma companies predicted a bad flu season but yet the hospitals were unprepared for it when covid19 weren’t they?

I’m not an anti vaxer and believe that children should be vaccinated against things like measles, polio and typhoid but flu is a ever changing, different animal altogether.

I think that the medical profession is targeting it’s populations with untrialled, ineffective and probably dangerous drug trials during a media storm of their own making in order to speed up and cut the costs of normal drug trials.

My title is to get attention as the science does seem to suggest that there as a possibility and it’s time for more laws and greater scrutiny of their practises.

Perhaps we should all wake up?

Should we really allow a vaccine which has different affects on different races? what about mixed descent people? Where are the safety permeameters?

Thank you for reading.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3404712/

Regarding corona virus outbreaks it is no surprise to me that these are on the rise as the flu vaccine has been given out for the last couple of weeks and now the affects of that along with a new strain of corona virus remaining UNTREATED in our communities has led to people being ill.

It should be said again that people tested positive for covid19 are isolated but not treated for seven days and then told to go about their daily business… of course if they become super ill then they are allowed to call the doctor and might get a chance to talk to one on the phone…