Category Archives: sex

The 2525 Pilgrimage

Inspired by a Zega & Evans song, released in the 1960s, called ‘In the Year 2525’.

The 2525 Pilgrimage by Samantha “unextraordinarybint” Harris

Centuries since Corona Virus Alpha hit Earth devastating our population, I sit here using a rusty blade, scraping marks in hope that I won’t be discovered by our monitors. We use this ancient fridge for storing clothing; working well for keeping moths out, my up-bringers and I sharing it. Now, it will bare these words for history.

At school, we’re told our ancestors used the fridges to keep carcasses fresh. It was a time when humans battled with each other, spoiling the planet with poisonous weapons. A time when people murdered Earth’s other inhabitants; selfishly eating animals, using them as a source of protein, they’d manufacture products from their carcases and enjoyed wearing animal skins, even using bones for medicinal broths and industrial glues.

I’ve never known a cold fridge. The harnessing of electrical power was outlawed for humans in 2050. For our safety, AI automatic droids maintain our planet’s electrical grids. Distribution and supply is strictly rationed to Necessary For Life organisations and not squandered by people.

I’m told my ‘need to create’ is an escalation of my illness, so I must be cautious. I’m a committed New Beginning Believer but the evilness of bad mental health remains. Managing to physically scrape one word a day has taken discipline. My addiction craves more, risking raising my heart rate to a detectable level.

Weeks after the Corona Virus Zeta variant attacked the planet in June 2030 a cohort study showed how vulnerable humans became when out of their homes. As a major medical discovery it saved billions of lives but had not been welcomed by all. Deadly violent protests spread across the world faster than the virus, destroying cities and towns, cutting utilities and leaving land scorched with fire.

It is history now, how it was necessary for AI to oversee human health for The Common Good and the protection of our species and our solar system. Our homes, for our safety, had to become human cages.

Robots now distribute our care, limiting human error. Armoured vehicles travel streets delivering water tablets and nutrition, monitoring our vital signs so we rarely starve if we are viable. Thankful, we watch through holes we’ve piped into the hives on our windows.

Foxes, snakes, sheep, wolves and deer roam outside our homes on cracked tarmac. The grass verges, left to grow naturally, encouraging wildlife, are now host to the genetic insects released to combat stray humans carrying disease. Building nests and hives around us they are able to monitor movements keeping AI informed of our well being.

State television transmits a basic program service with special entertainment on Saturday nights. Generally television informs us of how the latest health programme progresses, which locations are expecting the Build Back Better vaccination robots and the daily birth rate over death rate graph.

International Communications are impossible for most since the satellites were, for our safety, reconfigured using the same space drones that humans had invented for mining exploration. Anti vaccination terrorists had to be stopped from using the networks to organise resistance and had been blocking The New Beginning Faith broadcasts.

Automatic trucks collect human waste weekly from each street moving it to a collection point where it’s transported by crane into giant airships run on biofuel. These craft transport the sweet smelling load to the ocean where it is released for the marine life to feed upon. Diet, controlled by AI, allows us to now produce nutrient rich waste which is useful until our deaths.

Few natural humans, other than royalty, can safely move around outside. We don’t have the genetic makeup. Crane drivers have outside protective freedoms. Having a skill AI can’t master, they bare witness to how the Build Back Better system is working. I’m assigned a crane operator as my lover. I pray we’ll be fruitful.

Gratefully, I’m able to leave home once in a lifetime. I’ve been researching my Life Pathway Journey on the battery run Ethernet computer. It will be so exciting to see The London Eye. One has to be patient as the current female pilgrimage age is the first month after one’s fifty-fifth birthday.

I pray I will still be considered worthy.

The End.

Ruby Wax and Me – Nipple Poetic Story

There is a woman called Ruby Wax.

A more lovely woman you would not see.

She has cheeks of red which glow, and she hates them so.

Excitable she be and there are none funnier than she.

In earlier days she travelled around England to circumvent our inhabitants.

With Hit and Run, she met me.

Robert Lenkievitz’s model was I with breasts that you could anchor a ship on.

A study of St. Anthony found me naked on the BBC.

The next day, at my work, Boss was grinning like a jerk.

By lunchtime she’d made me coffee and then slyly asked me.

Yes, it was me.

Modelling naked on the TV.

Better though, I said, glowing rather red, was being interviewed by Ruby Wax.

I was immortalised on canvas and TV and that history could haunt me.

But proud, eventually, I would become; of my breasts, nipples and bum.

Meeting Ruby Wax who is a comedy best was the making of that assignment for me.

Afterwards, she went down to Longleat, for tea.

I went back to my bar, as the maid I really was, then I got fired because I’d posed naked for The Painter. See? One rule for one and another for me.

Now, I have Ruby Wax on my Facebook but she does not know that I was the body on which one of her episodes did close.

The End.

Thanks for reading. – you tube links are rather unreliable in UK so you could search for,

“Ruby Wax meets Robert Lenkiewicz in Plymouth, 1990. Hit and Run. “

Thanks for your time.

It took a year for this program to air – hence the two job reactions.

South African Women Be Careful

We know the media do their own things these days and news isn’t what it was. The mesh scandal was quickly swallowed up by covid19 news here in the UK.

The TVT polypropylene – the vaginal sort. It is dangerous and pharma are now going to push it at other countries. In order to make you want it they may tell you it’s worked really well here, it hasn’t.

And I found this…


The ban is in place for a reason. You are not being denied something that is good. It was not licenced in your country because it isn’t safe. PR companies will be writing articles saying how wonderful it is. Terms like ‘gold standard’ will be used and they will claim only a tiny percentage suffer side effects.

We have fought long and hard to be listened to in our countries. Many of us are maimed and more of us cannot have sex comfortably, if at all. Plus, we still have the wee problem.

The same firm who makes them, Johnson and Johnson, advertise constantly on our TVs to sell us the pads to clear up after our bladders. Ironic.

However, we organised, we’ve realised that many of us had untreated bugs in our bladder before the operations and that was partly responsible for the loss of control.

Rather than sort this out they claim it’s our physiological makeup and surgically attempt to fix us.

It is always down to the individual but a life without sex is pretty grim. The Gynaes here have dismissed us for decades with comment like “you can still do anal”. (Not everyone likes anal).

Stay safe and please do not believe everything the pharma tells you. Look to traditional methods.

There is an old surgical method which was used for centuries which doesn’t involve shoving plastic in your pelvic region. A couple of stitches in the right place. Could be done with cameras etc still. Do not let them put plastic inside you. It makes you feel ill.

Thanks for reading.

End of today’s rant.

How Easy Would Be Easy to Make a Killer Vaccine to Target Ethnicity?

I’m concerned about what we are not talking about.

Peter Duffy blew the whistle on how foreign doctors are taking advantage of our NHS and hurting patients. He got fired and the media will not cover his story. He named four doctors they are all still practising (three of them without restriction) and having read his book ‘Whistle in the Wind’ I’m disgusted by it all and worried as an NHS patient who has suffered racism from a foreign doctor.

So, I am asking the question. Is England being targeted by bad doctors looking to defraud the NHS? When a company like Johnson and Johnson is in the mix anything is possible. If white people in Britain are perceived as spoilt, rich and undeserving why not experiment on them? These companies have shown their complete disregard for patient safety over and over again.

How come coronavirus nineteen has killed so many in western countries but not affected others so badly when they have (apparently) more poverty and closer communities?

I’m concerned that obvious problems with the current flu vaccine such as these pointed out in 2012 study which state beyond doubt that the flu vaccine affected the children’s immunity to retro and corona type viruses making it more likely for them to become seriously ill in the following years, are coming to haunt us and no one is saying anything because of the money involved.

This is the absolute proof that the flu vaccine damaged children. Then it was rolled out to younger children free on the national health system in the United Kingdom of The British Isles.

Why? How bizarre is this? Surely this is unethical?

Then there is the news a few years later that the flu vaccine works well in those with Africa heritage but not so well in others, especially European descent. I suspect this may be removed if it gets too much traffic as it’s proof that the researchers have the data.

Bizarre Race Politics is Making Us All Look Another Way.

This guardian article basically says that although black and minority ethnic people are more likely to be admitted they are not more likely to die from covid19.

Could it be because of the fraudulent claims of the media that bame persons were more likely to die when there was zero evidence to support it? Nigeria has had just over a thousand deaths from covid19 when England has had tens of thousands.

There is the completely ignored correlation between the uptake of the flu vaccine and the deaths from corona virus nineteen. And then you should see this.

won’t be up for long, I suspect
interesting take from a Doctor

In Africa the corona virus vaccine programs are seen as dangerous and not allowed to be trialled on black people because they are too precious…? At least they were paid! Brits aren’t they are shamed into doing with with public opinion.

So there are zero clinical trials going on in South Africa. None.

Just saying. So, what do we read from that?

Choice means choice.

Promised to ‘reduce the risk’ of getting flu…less chance of dying from it. How wrong could they have been??? What studies is he referring to? The pharma companies predicted a bad flu season but yet the hospitals were unprepared for it when covid19 weren’t they?

I’m not an anti vaxer and believe that children should be vaccinated against things like measles, polio and typhoid but flu is a ever changing, different animal altogether.

I think that the medical profession is targeting it’s populations with untrialled, ineffective and probably dangerous drug trials during a media storm of their own making in order to speed up and cut the costs of normal drug trials.

My title is to get attention as the science does seem to suggest that there as a possibility and it’s time for more laws and greater scrutiny of their practises.

Perhaps we should all wake up?

Should we really allow a vaccine which has different affects on different races? what about mixed descent people? Where are the safety permeameters?

Thank you for reading.

Regarding corona virus outbreaks it is no surprise to me that these are on the rise as the flu vaccine has been given out for the last couple of weeks and now the affects of that along with a new strain of corona virus remaining UNTREATED in our communities has led to people being ill.

It should be said again that people tested positive for covid19 are isolated but not treated for seven days and then told to go about their daily business… of course if they become super ill then they are allowed to call the doctor and might get a chance to talk to one on the phone…

The Menopause – Blunt Adult View

Menopause – What is the point? This article is my personal relationship view and own body issues with ‘the change’ and I will talk about how it makes me feel sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally. I am going to discuss my fantasy sex life so if you are easily offended you shouldn’t read.

The list of ‘side effects’ which are linked to the menopause are bordering on stupid and could go on for pages so I’m going to concentrate on the main ones which affect me, mainly, of sexual appetite, sexual performance, foggy thoughts, hot flashes and night sweats

How many women go through the change without so called side effects? And can we really call them side effects when it is evident, they happen most of the time?

I’m fifty-one and have been going through the change now for four or five years.

It started, for me, with vomiting. Constant vomiting. I had that for two years.

It was then noted that my ovaries had probably shut down my womb had been previously removed so I didn’t have periods to stop and I was put on HRT.

I was on HRT for two years until I started getting breasts cysts and then advised to come off the HRT by the breast cancer clinic. My symptoms returned almost immediately. My concentrated work flow decreased. My anxiety increased. But the breast cysts did go…

The night sweats have returned with vengeance. The hot flashes and flushes are a real bind too. I now have Cyclizine on prescription for the nausea.

I got to thinking about the purpose of these hot flashes and flushes. The human body doesn’t generally do things unless they are necessary.

Why do millions of women still suffer from these things and would there be an evolutionary reason as to why these two symptoms, especially, are so prominent.

For myself I have not really lost my sex drive, but I have lost the ability to have the energy to do anything about it. In my fantasy head I’m attending the local dogging site regularly and doing trains of men one after the other.

The men I fantasise about are generally strangers. They are usually imagined as overweight and possessing small penises that cum quickly. I fantasise that I am filled with their cum and they are queuing to do me. Then perhaps there is a clean up guy who licks me until I cum then I’m open for business again attending my queue.

Gang bangs were never my thing and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want the reality as some guy with a huge cock who takes ages is bound to join the queue and my pain level would interfere with the pleasure journey. Be assured that Grannie is not about to go dogging.

I have a TVT which makes certain types of intercourse and sex very painful. The fact that the mesh interferes with my fantasy sex life as well as my actual sex life is sad and something perhaps one day the medical profession could look into? However, for the moment, this is the sex life that I have. One where I am wanting and unable to scratch.

Hot flashes. A sudden hot feeling from head to toe. This makes me feel ill and like I am about to pass out unless I completely get naked. I literally have to strip off every time it happens so that I don’t pass out (I have mitral valve of the heart). I live and work from home and live alone so this is not a problem – unless a neighbour calls without phoning!

Evolutionally, it feels like my ovaries are making themselves known and felt, like they are screaming “hey we’re still here, we’re still useful, come and fertilise us!” My skin is bright red like a beetroot so kind of ‘beacon like’. Red is usually a sex switch colour in mammals after all.

The same could be said for the flushes, full on sweat from head to toe. They happen mainly at night time for me. A time when people are thinking about love (and sleep). The moistness wakes me up. I’ve often perspired from head to toe and the bed sheets are drenched, the duvet is drenched, and the pillows and mattress are drenched. Again, the only way out is to get completely naked and uncover myself.

In order to get back to sleep I have a system of towels, dry blankets and a dry sofa which help me get through each night.

Not the environment for a sexual relationship but I do feel incredibly horny whilst sweating…

Trying to find any research is remarkably hard. Afterall I am a woman and all women go through the change so why isn’t there any research? We are half of the world’s total population at any one time. Why are these things called side effects? Surely, they are just effects of the change?

Also, why is it a blanket HRT treatment with zero look at what is actually lacking hormone wise? Transgender patients get a better service from the National Health Service. Women who still want to feel like themselves are the bottom of the pile it seems.

I’d love to know if other women are horny like me or if perhaps this is a side effect of the TVT? Everything I read tells me I should be getting drier down there…not so. Everything I read tells me that my sex drive will lessen…. not so. So, what is going on?

From the male’s point of view sexually a woman who has gone through the change can have sex without a condom and without fear of getting pregnant but why would women still want to have sex when they can longer get pregnant? Does this mean that women’s sexual organs are useful and necessary beyond the child rearing? Is this why it is denied constantly? Or am I a ‘one off’…?

As a woman gets older the vagina gets narrower. It can often get less wet, perhaps this is why I fantasise about lots of cum, as it would lubricate proceedings…? However, I’m still as wet as I was when I was a teenager, so I don’t fantasise about cum because I need it to lubricate…it’s more than that, much more primal. The cum represents ‘want’.

For me, I do not like a big cock or even the thought of a big cock (remember I don’t have a womb). I don’t need it and it is the sperm which excites me. The feeling of being wanted so much a man is willing to give me his life juice, men cumming super-fast is more exciting as it means he couldn’t control his want for me (in my fantasy).

This is probably the reason so many women join dating sites for an ego stroke and then leave. Women, well I certainly do, need to feel wanted. If my man isn’t dry humping me at every opportunity, I think he’s looking elsewhere.

This leads me to the emotional side of not being fertile. Knowing younger women have more to give, are more beautiful and youthful and that I am going into ‘crone’ stage is depressing. Many of us adopt the name ‘Grandma’ during this period of our lives and the change is more than physical. I’m not a bitter crone but many of my friends are and I cannot bare their company as they sit bitching about those younger. I stay in, a lot.

I spend the day (when I’m not ripping my clothes off) thinking about men and trying to remember what I was doing. I’m writing three books, all on the same fictional theme, and the organisational skills necessary are complicated and unique to my project. I get so confused that I have weeks between being able to write anything conjoined. Choosing to concentrate on shorter easier to accomplish articles seems to be how I cope. I need to feel productive.

Creative frustration is the outcome. I can create constantly, I do but much remains unpublished as it is ‘Bernard Manning Style’ poetry, angry and personal. It is not the complicated building of characters and chapters towards my books…my future, my way out of my TVT situation. I need money to get the removal and recovery treatment. So, not being able to be as productive as I was is an internal torment.

Piles of unpublishable material, ideas for the books, chapters and bits of the storyline for the books lie in different places around the flat, on different formats, laptops, books scraps of paper and every time I go to collate them, I freeze. I often think I need a manager, but I cannot afford a manager. I need myself as I was but that is not possible. That person has gone but her ambition still remains.

Alarms are needed for my memory. If I place something in the oven or start running a bath, I must also grab the digital alarm, put a time upon it and take it with me in my pocket or near where I am settled. This way when the alarm goes off and/ or forget it I will eventually realise that I have the alarm on me for a reason and go and investigate why I have it. This system helps me hugely as before I was always burning my dinner and overrunning the bath.

It is certainly motivation and management for long tasks that I struggle with most. Procrastination is obviously the problem but that comes from fear of failure and I don’t fear failure I am confident, so this frustrates me more and possibly adds to the brain fog as it adds to my anxiousness.

I am considering looking for another lover and am wondering how to word the advert to avoid the obvious physical properties. Something along the lines of Menopausal Woman Needs Man with High Libido and Small Cock would do but seems a little forward for Grandma.

Thanks for reading.

Naughty Ones Know – Poem

I live being unclothed

Loving the feel of my hair on my back

But live in a world where naked is attacked

My hair brushes and

Shoulder blades

Pats and soothes me there

To take away someone’s’ hair

Is to take away some feeling of care

Our hair keeps us calm

At the end of a twiddler’s arm

Naughty boy, he made me laugh

Naked in the shower

Although the soul is close

The distance is not narrow

The glass could not have been thinner

As he wiggled all about

I thought sausages for dinner.

I wonder what is wrong with me

Lack of a good seeing to, probably

I do miss the tease, the flaunt

I can still worship at the front

But this alone cannot keep a man

Was this part of the plan?

I wish to truss up doctors like chickens

If I can.

Practice on them, as a woman on a man

Chickens that cluck and I won’t give a fuck

If they get caught up in chicken wire

In fact,

I’d send in a Rooster to stir up their desire

Gleefully I’d watch as it’s stops the blood flow

To their special parts

Then they’d know

Ah, I only jest, I think of the dancer

His wiggle, a giggle, one of the best yet

I can think about playthings

Plan scenes

But mesh makes intimacy a fantasy

But my mind still works.


I’m as sexy as can be

I’ve learnt to circumnavigate

My current barren state

I invite them to play with me


Role play is where I’m at

Down there is where you’re sat

A doctor you can be

A beautiful nurse

The woman of your dreams

She will know all that you need

Relax, chill and trust in me

In schemes, I’ll be stuck in your head

You will have me in your bed

But me, true me, remains aloof

Thinking about tea,

Sat here nakedly.


By Samantha “unextraordinarybint” Harris

This was written a few weeks ago, locked down under covid19 conditions.

I’d just been told my surgery for the TVT mesh removal would be postponed again as I have lung disease and they couldn’t possibly risk taking me into hospital. I wonder just how much longer I will be left like this. I make the most of it but cannot help being horny, bitter and a little twisted.

Thank you for reading.

Caught In The Net – Poem

Caught in the Net – Polypropylene Mesh

My anger today will not go away
It is so hard to live
Every movement a reminder of what they did

People assume choice

They only listen to their same voice

Paint me with the colours that they know

Advice to look outside

Oh, that wondrous place,

The one I would reside?

Have you ever considered it’s not my wish to hide?

In my mind I glide across the countryside

My feet barely touching meadows grass

As I breathe in deep of green and wooded forests

I jump the trickling streams,

Wandering in leafy, brambled, brackened dreams

I miss

That I can see but no longer touch

The things that I love so much

I close my eyes to remember the smells,

The feeling of air on my skin

The prickle of sweaty regret begins…

The anger wells inside, that stupid trust

On which I had relied…

Taken from the forest of extremes

Where humans do good things.

Yes, they took from me.

They’re crooks who take liberty.

From Thalidomide to HIV

Between the Witz family and the Public Health Authority

They maime us

They kill us

With impunity

In perpetuity

Because victims you will not see

The End

20th August 2020 by Samantha Harris (unextraordinarybint)

Godswill and The Illusion of Judgement – poem and article. Long Read.

Godswill and The Illusion of Judgement

by Samantha unextraordinarybint Harris

Judgey judgey

Look at them in their best

Dressed only to impress

Sit in pews

No views

Staring ahead


But do not hear

The vision they can’t see

It’s easier then,

To turn their nose at me!

To them I say, I see you

And what you do

Your judgement’s very clear.

I see trees and skies of blue

Houses lined in unison, new

Clouds float on jet lined skies.

I know nothing of this is mine.

If it was godswill to take lust from me

To turn it to modesty

How can I make you see,

Godswill is to subdue me?

I will not go quietly into the dark.

I want to sing, lovely, like a lark

I want to show my flesh to the sun

I want the rights of which

I begun.

It is the beholders problem

To have this Lust

Children should not be turned to dust.

Godswill be done is

Nothing more

Than helping you all forgive the score!

Godswill be done

Excuses evil

Words then are the axle of the wheel

They turn the screw

And sow judgement new.

Now they are looking to reset.

We haven’t caught them yet

Give me my body

You already have my soul.

There are those of you that know.

There are those of you that know.

The end.

Judgement is in the eye of the beholder.
Slavery and oppression of people can only happen if they think they deserve it. There never was a minotaur was there?

25th July 2020

This poem is the result of anger, as usual, lol, after an argument with a religious woman online. I’ve had to step away from Facebook until every one goes back to work. This poem came about after I’d shared a post from one of the Manchester Arena victims who had lost her eight year old sister, Saffie-rose Roussos. Ashlee has done a video addressing the terrorist. For those unfamiliar, it was an Islamic state terrorist attack at a concert on the 22nd of May 2017.

The bomb injured around six hundred people and killed twenty-two, many of them children. Most of the injured have life altering injuries and will have to medical intervention for the rest of their natural lives and need trauma therapy.

I asked that my Facebook friends condemn terrorism action and support this young lady.

I have over 3,000 friends from all over the globe on my fb account they’re hidden from each other as I also have my fam on there and don’t like the possibility of them becoming targets because of something some one may have become offended by. Facebook setting allow you to do this.

I’ve purposely gathered people from all races, religions and nationalities – I’m requested five times daily from people. I never request friends myself. So, everyone on my fb has requested my friendship. I’ve had the account since 2007.

My Facebook page is busy, I’m stuck at home, I post mainly on politics, religion, comedy, British culture and health. I post about problems people are having with religion in their parts of the world and as such have many Indians and Pakistani muslim friends – mainly men, some women – hence the argument. I have Russians, Chinese and many, many Americans and some Canadians on there too, from countries I never knew existed like Ambazonia.

I do this for a reason, this allowing loads of people on my Facebook that I do not actually know, as I am aware of marketing and social media tech bubbles and filters. I want a rounded view of the world, not my own world reflected back at me or a view that one countries media desire for me.

I digressed but with good reason. Back to the post that I shared from Miss Ashlee Roussos.

One Christian man from the US condemned the terrorist action which had killed her sister. Just one person. However, several people contacted me privately to express that it was godswill. That it wasn’t for them to question his judgement. Even in private. Not that anything is private! All the religions thought this, that it was Godswill.

It is not joke that religion is becoming very powerful in England. 22,000 parents were forced to send their children to faith school last year. This year they changed hospital admission forms to state your religion. Because of discrimination Pagans are forced to say we are Church of England again…there is not option to tick Pagan. And, let’s be honest here, if there was an option to tick Pagan, would a pagan do it, knowing most of the doctors are Christian, Hindi, Jewish or Muslim now? Also our beloved NHS performs circumcism for religious reasons…it used to be only done for medical reasons.

Terms such as ‘head of household’ are back in fashion and used on rent agreements with the social housing and private housing – this was something we had gotten rid of for decades under women’s equality. When a couple took on a tenancy, they both, man and woman, had equal rights to the property because women were seen as equal.

Now the man can evict the woman and keep the property so the woman must live by his rules. We allowed these changes for religion. Head of household in married couple must be the man.

This slide has had a huge effect on our society. Ours is a ‘Lady’s first’ society. However, with the power of pagans and the church of England waning the shift of power towards Catholicism, Islam, Hindi, and Hebrew faiths means we are dealing with a new interpretation of society.

Children must be protected in this new interpretation and supported, we do this by protecting people properly so that they are not reliant on an individual, faith or family who doesn’t care for them. We should support people regardless of faith or family connections. It is not communism it’s being there regardless, caring.

The current trend of bringing faith back into education, wellbeing, medical practises and science is extremely worrying. It is not good for women. It is an oppressive situation for women and children again. Feminism doesn’t come in a hijab. Sorry but it doesn’t, and I’ve been arguing that one for a decade too. Religion comes in a hijab…don’t confuse.

In order to get social housing in the UK the rules say one must provide a letter from your previous landlord evicting you. However, when family throws you out on the street, they rarely give letters to help out. The family know the evictee will be homeless and forced to live a street life or go back to them. Domestic violence is now a huge problem.

This rule, of supplying a letter, again forces the belief that you should always respect your parents, regardless of how they are treating you. These administrative changes force children to stay in abusive relationships or be seen as evil for not loving their parents. These rules force children to accept godswill and whatever happens to them as ‘destined’.

I’m very thankful to my Methodist church for two things. One for teaching me about Jesus and two for showing me the door when I voiced negativity towards the church and my parents. I was given freedom to choose. To me, this shows the deepest empathy for the child who they could not help.

I have no malice towards religion I only wish to protect myself and children generally. But there is malice from religions through judgement of others. Religion has a place but right now it’s not using it’s place correctly and it is being forced upon communities. It does not have a place in schools. Faith school is a huge mistake. Indoctrination of children into a religion of any kind, in a multicultural society is wrong.

Jesus said, “The meek will inherit the Earth.” – This means those without strength will die. It doesn’t mean what I’ve heard many say, that Christians will inherit the Earth and the rest will be banished. To inherit the earth means to be put into it, to be buried in earth (dirt) six feet under. Jesus warns us. Strength forces justice.

It is strength which propels us forward. It is inner strength which pushes us through when we feel physically weakened in our surroundings. It is strength which helps us strive for change, to strive for protection from the injustices which befall us.

Unjust things happen – however, it seems to live under ‘Godswill’ there are no ‘unjust’ deaths…just deaths willed by the hand of gods… This can only be a lie. The only deaths would should be attributed to God are those from Mother Nature – like being caught in a storm and being blown off a cliff.

Death caused by a man. He is not using the hand of God he just says he is, surely his acts are evil? There is no entity as God. God is an ideal, a code, a set of common rules and values, different to each country and religion. Surely all religions should condem mass terrorism? Pagans do.

What we need is a common code. A code of protection for children from harm. A code that all religions and peoples agree on. Until then, there will be abuses, there will be ‘terrorist’ killings, there will continue to be sex exploitation of children and there will continue to be slavery and domestic violence. Do no harm. Do no harm. Do no harm. Do no harm. Do no harm. Do no harm. Do no harm. do no harm. Do no harm. Do no harm. Seems simple enough to me.

Whilst Hindus believe that child abuse is destiny i.e. the child must have done something in a previous life. And while Catholics, Muslims and Judaism all have modesty codes – i.e. if the beholder is lustful it must be because the object wasn’t modest enough, so therefore ‘deserved’ what happened, this will continue. Whilst we allow others to judge us against their own codes we will lose without realising that there was even a battle.

The Christians are meek, as they don’t understand the message from Jesus as it has been hijacked by Catholics and Judaism and is confused by theists. When religions are pushing modesty rather than forcing their adult congregation to understand their own lustful hearts, this evil inequality will continue. Do not judge the beast, child, woman or man (the object of desire)…judge the Lust which drives the act and do not blame the victim of that Lust.

It is an illusion that the fortunes of life are based on the judgement of gods.

Thanks for reading.

Thinking of Becoming A Prostitute?

There are many stories a prostitute could tell you. They would range from bizarre to terrifying and everything in between. What you don’t hear often about is what happens after leaving the world’s oldest profession.

Prostitution stories fall into many brackets. Newspapers could be interested if a prostitute sold a story about a politician but generally papers wouldn’t run a story on the day to day problems and maybe people wouldn’t want to hear about them.

What most of us think about when discussing prostitution is women, sex, fidelity, risk, slavery, money and usually drug use maybe some trafficking.

There is corruption with some professions and prostitution is obviously affected. From girls being forced into prostitution to boys being abused from youngsters and going on to sell their charms, there is a dark side to prostitution. But, for the most part, prostitutes will be willing participants at time of purchase. They simply use their wares to gain money.

One of the things which I will touch upon is that human bodies wear out and feel pain. Many prostitutes turn to drugs to dull that physical pain as well as to block out the emotional affects of their work. One woman, working in Brighton, East Sussex told me they are called ‘hookers’ because once you start working you get locked in this cycle of pain and denial.

It is a lonely profession with no guides or help lines. The client is the only comfort. So, those that manage to get out alive and relatively unscathed will try to put prostitution behind them. The society in which we live does not allow the discussion of sexual exploits so any knowledge gained into human behaviour will be kept hidden.

Generally prostitutes do not lay it out on a CV. Pardon the pun. If asked how they got through college or started their little business, a well rehearsed lie will be told. Asked how a couple managed to get the deposit together for the house they just purchased and it could never be admitted that two years working as a high class escorts got them there.

All things are not forgiven so social stigma dictates that a prostitute forgets they were ever a concubine and fits into normal life. You could be standing next to one in a queue right now and never know. You may even have family members who currently advertise their delights online and it is family ties which can be the most embarrassing.

I’d like to tell you a story about what could happen after prostitution stops. From horrifically embarrassing to terribly sweet the experiences of a prostitute once they’ve retired can be just as entertaining as their lives when they were working in the sex industry for their wages. I have changed Trevor’s name.

Trevor had joined yahoo dating application and found a lovely man. He told his new boyfriend about his past. Deciding to tell him quite quickly after they’d met and Trevor was glad he had. They were able to discuss it and move on with their future.

They enjoyed each other so much. So, as couples do, they wanted to make it official and meet the friends. Their social circles became one. Trevor and Mark were a happy couple inside and out of their home. Then a year into the relationship Mark suggested that Trevor should meet with his family.

The next Christmas holiday the couple were invited to stay at a cottage Mark’s parents were renting out for the season in Wales. Mark was delighted that his wonderful lover was going to be meeting his Mum, Dad and siblings. They drove to Wales in a new car, hired just for the occasion. All went really well, Mark’s mother seemed made up that Mark was happy and the father, a little more reserved, was being polite.

On Christmas Eve, Mark’s brother arrived with his wife and three children. They bundled into the cottage with their red faces and laughter. Greetings all around and introductions. Trevor’s face dropped when he saw Martin but recovered lightening fast.

Mark’s brother, Martin, had been a client of Trevor’s for a year in fact the brother had been besotted with him and Trevor had to refuse him as a client to avoid the embarrassing departures. Trevor and Martin recognised each other immediately but neither we’re able to say anything. They spent a week eating and celebrating without acknowledging that they’d known each other previously.

Trevor was consumed with guilt about it. His relationship with Mark was built on trust. He was keeping a massive secret by not telling him but what could be achieved by being honest? A married man paying to have sex with a prostitute was the normal client. Sitting around a table eating with his wife and children after the event was not normal.

Martin asked questions about Trevor’s work and appeared genuinely interested, as anyone would be in their brother’s partner. Trevor describes Martin as ‘being all over his wife’. Declaring that the cheater was making great strides at being the doting husband. Trevor recalls just getting through the week, saying the interactions with his perspective sister-in-law were cringe worthy in the extreme.

The relationship with Mark then became tainted in Trevor’s mind. He was deceiving his lover and found it excruciatingly difficult to live with. Trevor tried hard to find a way around it, even suggesting they move abroad but Mark was close to his mother and started  viewing properties near her. They carried on seeing each other for six months before Trevor finally called it off with Mark, saying he just didn’t love him anymore.

The break up devastated Mark and he tried to commit suicide by gassing himself in a car outside the property they’d viewed together. Thankfully, before losing consciousness, he’d called Trevor who then called an ambulance to his location and saved him. Trevor and Martin rallied around to get Mark committed into hospital while he recovered, still without talking about the past.

Mentally and emotionally the only thing Trevor could do for himself and Mark was to distance himself from the situation completely which is what he did. Eventually Trevor went on to find love with another who’s brother he hadn’t slept with.

His story is funny and heart breaking because Mark was his first love. He laughs when he tell’s me of how, when he’d first told Mark about his prostitution past, he’d asked him if he had any questions about it.

Mark had responded by asking one question, which was,

“Were you careful?”

This was, of course, a reference to HIV and AIDS, and using a condom. Trevor had responded that he had always been careful and that he’d always used protection. However, it seems, that there are some things you can’t prepare for.

I can see the irony.

Whilst there are many pitfalls to an experience it is those that you are unprepared for which are the events which leave you the most scarred.



Thanks for reading.

They say there are no new stories. I say, it depends who you listen to.


Mesh? TVT? The Right to a Full Sex Life.

Trans-vaginal tape is the term used to described the plastic mesh placed during bladder surgery. It is basically a strip of unfinished plastic mesh just like below. It is placed around the bladder in a special procedure using long needles and brute strength. 

TVT is usually implanted to help secure the bladder against leaks of urine, it is used as a sling between the pelvic bone cavities. It was ‘designed’ to support and lift. It cuts off the flow of blood, urine and feeling to the area depending on it’s position. The loss of flow is intermittent, so one can go from calm to complete groin spasm in milliseconds.

So this, one second it’s fine then spasm, starts an onset of unbearable urgency. It gets so unreliable that eventually you are either unable to urinate or can’t stop urinating! Also urination becomes extremely painful. It is a similar situation with sexual performance.


Above is a picture of the mesh which was installed into me – as you can plainly see it is the same polypropylene that fishing nets are made from (link below). That is the same polypropylene which they say is dangerous for our environment and marine life (link below).

It has caused a lot of damage to the human beings it’s being installed into.

This is mesh plastic, very useful stuff but unfortunately toxic.


There is an alternative operation. There is no need to maim people. This plastic mesh surgery is just a new version of an old and well practised operation to help women after childbirth. The old operation was successful for hundreds of years but took more time.

In the past, Colposuspension was the most commonly performed operation for the treatment of stress urinary incontinence. This is a major operation that requires a general anaesthetic. The abdomen is opened and the bladder neck is lifted upwards by stitching the lower part of the front of the vagina to a ligament behind the pubic bone.

I was given TVT suspension during a hysterectomy to remove my womb and the plastic mesh was heat sealed inside me as you cannot sew stitches into it. This was all performed under general anaesthetic.

It was years before I clicked I’d been duped. Although there had been immediate problems things felt different as I no longer had a womb. So, you could say that I was fairly satisfied. Believing that my continual bladder and bowel problems were normal after a hysterectomy and to be fair, I was told they were normal by my GP.

However, approximately ten years after implant I started to have continual vomiting. They diagnosed Chronic Vomiting Sickness. But, numerous other, now called ‘mesh related’ symptoms appeared too, other auto immune problems. 

The Gynaecologist didn’t tell me TVT mesh may trigger a reaction with my body. I was not told it is a poison which leaches into flesh over time. I was not told it is only guaranteed for fifteen years and then they didn’t know what would happen! This is something to consider if you are offered plastic mesh for any invasive procedure.

Being around noise of almost any level began to hurt, affecting my ears and jaw. I started to not be able to attend my normal social events or even restaurants. Now, fifteen years later, I cannot eat food I used to because I can’t chew for long without it affecting my ears.

My ears now suffer from constant hypersensitivity.  I became reactive to nearly all my medications and unable to eat an ongoing amount of foods. Constant urinary tract infections with blood constantly present as well as other less describable things.

This has to be said, sorry I’ll say it as delicately as possible but basically my back end and front end started behaving erratically. It started to get difficult to sit comfortably. I kept getting cystitis without having had vigorous sex.  My GP sent me to the sexual health clinic although I told him I’d not been able to and even brought along the boyfriend!

They sent me back stating I did not have an STD. I officially complained then spent next few years having investigation after investigation. Not one consultant or hospital told me that it could be the TVT mesh. However, it is continually mentioned on my surgical notes.

Now I have learnt that it was a plastic mesh tape of device. I know that some plastics harden over time and can become brittle. Once the chemicals holding them together have been leached into the surrounding body the plastic mesh starts to disintegrate.

Fifteen years after implant I am rarely able to have sex. If I do the only position achievable would be missionary and then I cannot abide any pressure on or in my pelvis at all. Now, where is the joy in that?

Being a confident woman I liked being on top and used to enjoy the freedom that my extra flexibility gave me. However, it seems the TVT plastic mesh does not allow for too much movement so it’s lie back and stare at the ceiling.

Being so flexible was doable when I could keep my muscles strong. Not so if you are stuck at home waiting for the NHS to remove something they never should have placed in you to begin with. Muscle wastage is a real problem as walking is not possible. Typed through gritted teeth…

I am being truly honest when I tell you I was looking forward to years of guilt free, mature, steamy, sex as not having a womb I wouldn’t have to worry about contraception. Ahhh, how naive was I?

Anyone reading this should understand the kind of money involved in this plastic medical mesh industry. Last year the industry was worth 6.7 billion dollars. If you are considering mesh implant for hernia or pelvic surgery you will be told not to take any notice of people like me. You may even be told there is no alternative.

You will be told that the problem is minor and that the sufferers blow their symptoms up for attention. I know this as daily I read a Facebook page called Slingthemesh. It’s a support group. Generally it is full of heartbreaking stories of the mesh maimed.

Perspective patients come into the group, they tell us that they’re offered this treatment and what they have been told about us. I’m just going to tell you that there are millions of sufferers of TVT, TOT bladder sling, hernia mesh, pelvic prolapse mesh blanket, mesh tape and other new names they are thinking up of to stay ahead of the law suits.

You are not going to read very many personal stories about how the mesh has affected it’s victims. Most victims being too embarrassed or completely unaware of why we are having the problems! Some have won massive payouts and are not allowed to talk to public. Most victims don’t have a blog where they can share.

Having always had a varied and satisfying sex life it is a shock to be without it. Of course I get on with my life. There are much worse things. I’m thoughtful of the fellow souls in a similar position for the same or different reasons. But understanding it doesn’t mean I have to like it and put it with it in a gracious manner.

My membership to Kestrels goes unused and my right arm is killing me.

I’ve checked my rights and I’ve no right to sex but I have the right to express my sexuality. That’s nice but not helpful. In the mean time I’m thinking of doing a critique of my favourite porn videos… and the lack of choice from a female user of the industry.

Ah I just came across a blog page funded by super big organisations telling us their plans to dominate the hernia ‘industry’ be careful out there folks!

Thanks for reading.  (industrial use mesh)


Meshed, Mad and Horny.

Fancy Someone and Disabled with Mesh? Me Too.

I have a smile on my face. I feel younger. I’m pretty sure it’s because I found I want to be close to someone. We’ll meet again soon and there will be no doubts, no strained small talk because I bit the bullet and straight up told him, I couldn’t get him off my mind.

It was a huge risk. I don’t like rejection, but he’d gone out of his way, just for me, so I had an idea I was putting feelings in the right place. Now, however I’m thinking that telling him was the easy bit. I’m thinking should I actually consider involving someone one in my misery.

Fantasy, of course, is one thing and reality another. When you embark on a new sexual relationship the ideal would be to do so in wild abandonment, to throw caution to the wind and let our bodies take us where they will. But already, I am worrying…

Several conflictions now in my mind. The least of which is the TVT mesh medical device implant. The mesh was put into me before the medical establishment really understood the female anatomy (2005) and sensations are hit and miss. This is hard to describe to doctors who just don’t understand female orgasm or its role. For instance, I told my gynae I had lost feeling in my rosebud and he said,

“Oh no, it’s fine. It all looks very pretty down there.”

There isn’t much you can really say to that is there? This is like only having a cheese knife for soup. You may decide you are not hungry after all. After many hospital appointments and different treatments, I’m now waiting a removal specialist although I am not on any list as a list doesn’t exist.

The manifestation of the mesh’s impact itself in my life is more than annoying and usually very painful. Imagine, if you could, having a piece of serrated tape threaded through your genitals to your spine and then back again. That is what the surgeons did to my poor fan.

There are days when I cannot think of anything else other than my groin. If I stand up straight, it pulls across my bladder, if I sit down it pulls across the top of my pubic bone. As I walk it, I feel it most, it moves in sawing motion through my insides and squeezes my bladder painfully.

The movement happens without me thinking about anything arousing so imagine that going on down there when sexy thoughts start. It’s tormenting. My brain is now on the desperate longing stage. I’m longing to smell him and touch the skin beneath his clothes. I want to lie in the smelly warmth of our mutual want and kiss every millimetre of his manly frame. I’d like to worship his essence…

So now I’m tending to shift around quite a bit in my seat, moving my weight from one side to another. I do this in an attempt to take the sensation away, just to give me a break from it. If it were a penis, I suspect it could be like having the life sucked out of you by someone with sharp teeth when you are also desperate for a pee. It may be nice at first but claws after a while and quickly becomes unbearable.

Whilst I am desperate to jump on my new adventure and ride to wonderland, I am also very aware that medically I’m not allowed to ride a bicycle let alone a man. Previously I’ve only been able to achieve unison in missionary position and disengagement was both dicey and painful. This plays on my mind.

Of course, I know, in my grown up, adult world, that I can discuss all this with my prospective lover. I know he will understand and be mindful of me. I do have faith we’ll find a way around my insecurities because intimacy does make me feel great. Life has few free pleasures. I’m determined to enjoy the flesh to flesh experience for what it is, joyful.

I’m determined to be close to another. I need and deserve it. Note to self, not to sound too desperate. I realise that someone permanently by my side, fighting my corner and supporting me is a fantasy, but a kiss and a cuddle isn’t too much to hope for. As a woman I need to feel wanted and needed…I believe men feel this need too. It is a human need and one I cannot live without.

Regardless of the emotional and physical pain I’m looking forward to getting to know my new lover. He has already given me hope and a real feeling of security by just being in my life. Yes, I’m still scared of what the future holds for me but now there is a slither of excitement running through my day and nights. Who wouldn’t want that?

This plastic mesh embedded in me, bleeding its carcinogenic poisons into my body, has taken so much from me I cannot allow it to take passion too. I think about the future scared but now there is something unknown, something enriching for me on my horizon. A man 😉

Prostitutes Aren’t Lazy.

A woman who had attended University and was working full time for a large accountancy firm felt the need to be very judgemental. At the time she was squatting a property with the sole purpose of saving enough money to buy a house in London.

Her name was blah as it doesn’t matter. This woman had the nerve to state that ‘prostitutes are lazy’. Her statement has stayed with me, it was said in 1991. She, and her partner of a couple of years, were hosting a party in Woodgreen, London. I’m still agonising over its implications today.

Three decades to respond is a bit of a record. There is a reason for this. Pure shock is the first reason. Imagine hearing something which you knew to be false but the consensus of all the people around you is that it is true. Also realising very quickly I was not in an environment where this could be actually discussed as I’d already been judged.

It was years later that I discovered why her perception was as it was. Her partner wanted to help me. He thought, as she did, that working as an escort was beneath me. He thought I could do more. Achieve more in the sex industry. Academics…

He introduced me to BDSM. Strange how someone can be involved in the sex industry but not know about this huge part of it. I had been in the vanilla world, working in the BDSM world without knowing the rules.

He tells of this lady’s sex life, and her thing was ‘rape fantasy’ – it is, according to several magazines,  one of the most common fantasies that women have. It did occur to me and still does that this is how she must perceive all sexual interactions. The lady lies down whilst the man takes what he wants from her and she is fulfilled by this.

However, this is a fantasy for her. For her this is a position of freedom. It’s topping from the bottom in BDSM terms, so they say. If she were to say, ‘hang on’, or ‘that hurts’ or simply ‘stop’ her partner would. She cannot perceive a real prostitute’s life. She cannot and doesn’t understand what it is like not to have sexual freedom.

So, for her, the judgement of laziness upon ‘women of ill refute’ is well deserved. Because for her, sex is a pleasure she can give and take at will. She can choose to let her partner have her or not. She literally doesn’t know how to work up a sweat performing head because she wants to or is made to.

When a person is the product and that is what prostitution is, there is a service to be delivered. That service is undefined. getting to what the client (western civilised speak will not allow me to call him ‘john’) actually wants can be a real chore, basically it’s trial and error, often resulting in wasted efforts of the prostitute until the client finally indicates what he wants.

Then the client has the choice to to see the same girl again as he doesn’t’ want to explain again or he wants someone different because he likes to see the agony of the girl not knowing what she should be doing. His choice, not hers – generally. As with all work a client can say they are dissatisfied.

Most people do not have the communication skill to interpret what sex they want until that sexual behaviour has been shown to them and has a label. For the uninitiated this can be a disturbing and dangerous journey. There are many illusions about sex.

One of the most basic and necessary parts of our lives is sex. Yet so many people are still in the dark about sexuality. How can this even be? I feel it’s time to hear from the muse, the model and the whore. I’d like to hear everything they have to say. I’m fed up of hearing the client side all the time. Especially politically.

Well, lady in the garden in Woodgreen, you with the academic, mental, social and emotional capability better than Me – I managed to grow and educate myself enough to be able to tell you that you’re wrong.  Your judgement of me during those years ought to haunt you. I doubt it does. I’m suspecting you have a pretty great life to be honest, you seemed to have it all sorted back in 1991.

Perhaps you have children now and have mellowed your judgements, I suspect not as I suspect you still sit in judgement of others less well off, less educated and more desperate than you are. Ah, now I judge you and I don’t ‘even know where you are, I hope that I am wrong. Perhaps you already confronted with your prejudices.

Perhaps her sex  life is how most women’s sex lives are. I have no idea. I only know what my sex life is like. I only know what my sex life has been like over the last fifty years and can only comment what I know to be my facts.

For thirteen years of my adult life I prostituted myself. I worked, when necessary, as a call girl or escort to cover rent and food. I didn’t work the streets. Thankful for this one fact as I thought that should I ever work the street I may as well just throw the towel in altogether.

I met women who did work the streets. Those girls with knees like sandpaper and bones like feathers. The really lost ones. They aren’t just women of course, there are men and boys too. So often it’s only women who are ‘fallen’ etc…

It’s a hidden society used and abused by those with money and power. The street prostitutes would try and gain some protection, a dog or a friend, the authorities would find a way to take the protection them. Not allowing them into premises if they were high or had their dog, forcing them back out on the street again.

No one reports on sex worker rapes or deaths as they are the lowest of the low.

Sex workers are hard workers. They work harder than you will ever have to work. That woman sat there in judgement of me and prostitutes whilst squatting someone else’s property,  didn’t pay rates, rent or council tax the whole time. You bought a lovely little house in Southgate, you had family and support from friends and will never really know what it is like to struggle.

Well I ask you to look in the mirror at yourself and ask you to judge yourself under the same criteria. I ask you to judge yourself rather than me or other women who decide to or are forced to work in the sex industry. Shame on you not them.

You and your partner were huge cocaine users. Yep, I’m going there. As you should know cocaine does cause nerve deadening. You try getting your man off after he has been using coke all night, the feeling in his mind does not mean blood is going to where it ought. Jaw ache is an understatement. That is hard, hard work.

There will be hundreds of men calling prostitutes tonight and tomorrow night. When those girls arrive at that client’s door they don’t know what is going to happen to them. They are the bravest women on the planet and they keep the secrets of the powerful.

Prostitutes aren’t lazy, blimey just think of all the poor girls your old man has had to convince to help him over the years. He did convince me to check out the BDSM world, it’s not for me but I did learn so much about the real power in our country.

Maybe I will start sharing a bit more about those thirteen years…

I’m thankful to have a voice. Comment or move along…

Viva la web, past caring, not sharing.

Doctors Don’t Get Paid Extra to Think

proof that munchausen is not a safe medical diagnoses

People do not get fair treatment within healthcare services. Equality was fought for and won and it should be delivered across the healthcare services in the UK. Only it hasn’t worked out like that.

It seems the medical and psychiatry services have been playing with people’s lives all over the world, with Britain taking a leading role. Children are removed from women diagnosed with syndromes that doesn’t exist.

Children suffering from Ehlers Danlos have been removed from parents too. Lots of interference in family matters because of medical diagnoses. This is because EDS is not taken seriously in our country. It’s linked with depression and mental illness rather than the connective tissue disease it is.

There are whole families, generations, ruined by the interference of doctors telling family members that their mothers have Munchausen syndrome when usually they are suffering physical and mental trauma from childhood sexual abuse or plain old rheumatism – which is a well known medical health problem, not a mental illness.

I feel that it is time for academics and scientists to get things together and start being truthful about how arbitrary these diagnoses are. At the moment family courts in the UK are in crisis with the amount of children at risk of being removed from families who have not had proper advice on looking after their children.

It is time for patients and families to start questioning doctors. It’s becoming easy to think that some doctors keep you ill – they are not interested in making you better and you not coming back to see them. One of my favourite sayings about doctors is that they don’t get paid extra to do their jobs.

Fibromyalgia is another such diagnoses I see a lot of people diagnosed with recently, myself included – although I immediately argued it. The over made up, cosmetically inept female Shi Lankan doctor telling me that I do have fibro as well as Ehlers Danlos…in her fifteen years of experience.

I told her I have met other people with fibro and they have all over pain, including headaches which I do not suffer from. I again point out that I have had this rib pain since 2009 and it is getting worse having spread from one place under my right arm to now going across my back to under my left breast – basically in the exact place I had shingles when I was twenty years old.

I tell her I feel it could be pleural membrane infection of some sort or a breakdown of the tissue between the ribs as in common with Ehlers Danlos sufferers and of course I have the added cystic lungs. I ask again for some steroids and tell her I had just started HRT and already am feeling the benefit with my thought and emotions. I tell her it is the same pain as when I was diagnosed with pleurisy in my twenties, it just is a larger area.

The doctor completely ignores me. She declares that I do have Fibro she has decided I have it and there is not a chance that I can stop her. The fact I don’t have pain all over or headaches does not worry her at all. I realise when I get the follow up letter that this diagnosis will place me firmly back into ‘faulty pain receptor’ category in medical terms within NHS England’s treatment plans.

Having this diagnosis opens the gates for me to be offered all sorts of neurological pharma wonders like Gabapentin and Pregabapentin…and lots of other mind altering drugs which I have already done thankfully so won’t be tricked into again. I have mental health issues and it’s hard enough to keep a hold of my emotions.

However, it does make it hard to claim benefits. It could be seen as you could work – as you have no reason for your pain. Thankfully I have my paperwork from previous years proving this is not the case for me but how many other people keep all their medical letters?

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is another umbrella term for all over pain with no reason – however, full test aren’t done to exclude other things…these are arbitrary decisions that the doctors make based on the latest guidance from NHS England rather than actual medical knowledge.

Symptoms of all over pain. Apparently a ‘faulty pain receptor’. It is linked with mental health as there is no reason for the pain – no reason for the pain. Many patients find themselves in ‘well being’ classes rather than any real treatment.

Let this simple statement sink in, apparently someone is experiencing pain for no reason with Fibromyalgia. However, the doctor will supply pain killers and other drugs for this condition and more importantly it is linked with depression so antidepressants are often also offered as course of treatment.

For me it is not the correct diagnosis. I don’t have muscle pain. I have joint pain. I have nodules on my hands from my swollen joints. I have a huge amount of pain around my rib cage, the pain radiates from the tissue between my ribs. I don’t get headaches. I do faint and suffer from fatigue. I also have Bullous Lung Disease, around 25% of lung function left and mitral valve prolapse and thickening of the left ventricle of the heart.

I don’t have a faulty pain signal – I am in pain. I also have large mass around my bladder from the TVT which is likely to be causing an auto immune response in me as I have been diagnosed with interstitial cystitis for last fifteen years which is also very painful – oh and I have endometriosis and a faulty jaw.

I almost faint every time I fart from the pain caused from the Stapled Hemmoroidoplexy and the TVT wrapped around my bladder. I don’t just have Fibro. I am in pain.

I complained about the diagnoses at the time and afterwards I phoned and complained to the clinic. Nothing happened. I thought I’d argued and proved my case but no. Now her diagnoses has trumped all my other diagnoses, including my hypermobile jaw which dislocates regularly and my stomach problems including peptic ulcers and my extremely sensitive, painful, ears.

But no, it’s none of those things I am suffering from – all the other doctors, scans and tests are wrong. According to this new doctor I have a Vitamin D deficiency and Fibromyalgia. When I looked up my results I found that my blood levels weren’t that deficient in vit D according to NHS guidelines. I had a raised CRP level which ought to be investigated but she hadn’t pointed this out.

It all falls on uncaring and corrupt ears. Now when I get taken into hospital they look on the system they see depression and fibromyalgia – it doesn’t help when you do actually have mental health problems too. So I am ignored on medical grounds because of this diagnoses that is ill founded. I am one of many being treated in this manner, it means they can officially ignore me.

Basically it’s one service for some a great service whilst another gets treated appallingly. One person comes in walking with chest pains he is taken to cardio and hooked up to the monitors. Another comes in with chest pain and is asked if she is anxious and why she thinks she needs to be there…

These common misconceptions about men and women serve no purpose other than to deprive women of healthcare services and give men a false belief that they are better. The most common killer of women over 50 in the UK is heart disease.

It’s not cancer or drinking alcohol, it’s heart disease. We need to start demanding to be taken seriously and not be tarnished with these old outdated medical opinions that only serve some interests.

If you use the NHS England’s BMI checker you will not get the same advice regarding health if you are obese and white/other as you would if you were of Indian or Black African descent. We have to stop treating people according to their ethnicity, as race is not a defining characteristic of health.

We all have to pay into the system when we work. We have the right to treatment. When people have complex medical history, this should be taken into account, not just the last doctor that was seen. This doctors decision to diagnose Fibro assured a total denial of service when it happened to me as doctors in AAU refused to look past the last diagnosis.

The medical healthcare systems such as NHS England and pharma companies and hospitals must treat us all the same regardless of race or gender. The inequality is becoming too much. We need to start pulling back against the move towards the dark ages.

No to hysteria, no to new Munchausen syndrome diagnosis and real treatment for people in pain. It’s time to treat anyone in pain – regardless of gender, race, age, disability, colour or nationality. We are all humans.